Turbulent Times

Well I'm trying to keep my distance, and you don't really realize how much you miss someone until they're gone from your life. But at the same time you realize how unimportant you were to to them. How this ended up like this I don't know, I guess we weren't meant to be. There can be any number of reasons. Excuses will be excuses. I guess lets see how things turn out... Until then I need to take some time to enjoy life get back to the basics and bring my life back to the way it was before I met you and you became my world... It's funny how much you made me fall in love with you and how quickly you don't care. Did I mean anything to you? I don't know... 

On a lighter note I passed all my classes... so that's a plus.

Too Much Going On

I can't really focus right now. My life is taking interesting turns left and right, I'm sort of just taking things as they come now.

I think I'm gonna just hermit myself for a while..

Post for the sake of posting

I realize I may just be writing to myself at this point as many of my blogs don't really have many followers... I don't think my life would be interesting enough to attract followers. In any case, updates...

Nothing really has changed. My situation is still the situation.. School is coming to a close.. exams are coming up soon.. stress will run high.. so school stress, life stress, hopefully no emotional stress but that's always the case... I think I've fallen for this girl.. as much as I tried not to let myself fall so hard.. it's happened.... now all I can do is wait.. and see... especially since I'm not the only one who's fallen for her.. Jason Mraz has a song that describes my situation right now... "I Won't Give Up"... I just hope it doesn't come to a point where I have no choice but to give up... but anything worth doing should be done with your full effort so... She is definitely someone that I feel is worth it.. despite her flaws.. but I guess... when you like someone enough you're willing to look past all that... I guess only time will tell... I wish I could fast forward life... just one time... would it be worth it?

Let it be...

I think my mood and my emotions are directly correlated with the weather. This past week the weather has been amazing and in like manner my mood has also been very much on top of the world. A lot of things happened and I've been able to put things into perspective. So as such, I think my view on life has been a lot more optimistic. In any case. I just want to let you all know that I'm positive in my outlook for the future. Live, love, laugh.

Why do I do this?

There's hope for something good, then there's just dumb hope for something that may not even come true. Right now I'm not really sure which hope I have. I'd like to think that the hope I have is something worth hoping for and waiting for. People say that you shouldn't really wait for things to come but that you should go out and get what it is that you desire. But right now I'm doing just that, waiting for something I want because... I was told to wait I guess. Is this stupid of me? I don't know... I'd like to think not but there's a huge part of me that feels I'm just wasting my time. At the same time it's that hope for something good that is making me wait... ... so what do I do?

I won't say I love her because it's something that's thrown around too much and often used so much that it's meaning has been watered down. I will say that I have a strong attraction towards this girl... but why? I really am a hopeless romantic... always hoping for things but overlooking things... I don't know.. Love is blind? maybe... Does it help that the music I love listening to is all sappy and romantic... mmm.. I don't know.. I like it though..

Growing up

I guess I've lived in this phase of my life long enough. I think it's time for me to take on more responsibility and take control of my life instead of letting things happen to me. I should start taking initiative and make things happen for me. I guess this is the sort of epiphany I've come to realize and understand... well more so finally acknowledge instead of trying to ignore it and trying to hide from it.

I hope that things go better for me as I try to make an impact on the world and stop waiting for life to interact with me. I just need to start getting to work.. and with that I guess I'm gonna get off this blog for now. Gonna start with the little things and take it one step at a time. Like everything else I do.. just take things one step at a time.

ON a totally different note, it seems the more I try to fight it the more I'm falling in love... one day at a time i guess. It seems corny or even cliche but I look forward to the mornings when I can wake up and see that good morning message from her. I'm excited every time I get a message from her. My heart sinks when she isn't around, but am always so happy when she surprises me with phone calls.
To her, I'm just another friend... but to me.. she means the world to me... I sound like some love sick teenager... *sigh* well... one day at a time... time to study and make things happen. = )

Complicated... maybe?

Sometimes I wonder why life is the way it is... sounds veryyy familiar. I think all of my blogs are starting to sound very monotonous. So I think more than anything else this has just become a vent of my emotions and a blog for my thoughts just trying to figure out things but for the world to see kinda. At times I kinda want people to find this blog. But it's sort of silly because I really don't want people to know. I guess that's why I've kept this sort of anonymous but at the same time it is on Facebook so if anyone is REALLY interested in finding out.. it's not too hard to do so.

I've sort of neglected this blog over the past little while because of school and because of well.. other things. I guess the other things category would be the reason why I've been sort of wanting to blog at times. Not really knowing how someone feels about you is sort of worrying. Is it irresponsible to sort of put things on hold and let things come as they do? I don't know people keep telling me that it is. Not really giving answers to people would be frustrating at times but then again who knows what's really going on. Waiting is another interesting thing, sometimes you wonder how long you should wait... Other times it builds patience and love over time. Personally I'm not too sure if there's a suggested waiting time. I guess it depends on how you feel about the situation. Case by case sort of thing. As for me I'm not really sure.. I suppose I'll wait but I might just be setting myself up for nothing. It's a risk I'm gonna take I guess. The best things in life are worth waiting for, I just hope I'm waiting for something rather than nothing...

Don't you wish you could have the power to figure out things without having to go through problems and trials? I guess not having problems and trials would make life too easy... Hurt and pain are sort of required for happiness and love to blossom even greater. I guess in these times we just need to have the faith to say, it's in your hands and all I can do is have a positive attitude about the situation. Whatever may happen, I just want to be happy. In the end I suppose that's all one could ask for.

On another note I've found this quote I really like that has probably floated around a bit but I just wanted to share it with you all... whoever may be following this.. Enjoy!

"The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all of your flaws, mistakes, and weaknesses and still thinks you're completely amazing"

KISS...?

I think for the most part my life is in order... It's just I have a few loose ends that I need to fix up and make better I suppose. But until that time.. I'm happy.

KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid

Sometimes things get complicated and messy when we over think things. So all we gotta do is remember to KISS. I didn't really do that when I let emotions get in the way of things before, and now things are a mess with a certain friend. I'm gonna try to restrain myself because looking back things have just changed for me. I really was a jerk and I totally shouldn't have said what I said but I did... I can't change that. All I can do is remember to always KISS. I guess I gotta have faith and confidence. Things I'm always working on... but one step at a time... Life isn't a sprint but a marathon, just take it one step at a time.

Awesome day

So it was a pretty amazing day today... well from my perspective. The day started off really well.. I was able to get a lot accomplished. I felt very productive in spite of being somewhat rushed. I was able to celebrate my friend's birthday as we went and did all sorts of random things. We went and did a scavenger hunt around main street Unionville, I ended up learning a lot about her and different things I like about her.

I'm not too sure how she feels about me... I never really thought that I would be into someone so quickly but I really feel like I was fated to meet her. Like everything that I've set for my idea girlfriend/wife things I never really thought I could find in someone I have and more... But... I don't know.. it's like I barely had the time to know her. But at the same time I feel like these past few weeks have gone by super fast.. in a way.. it almost feels like I've known her for years. You ever get that feeling that no matter what happens during the day, things will just be better if you get to see her. I don't know.. I get that feeling maybe I'm a hopeless romantic. who knows...

So after we did the scavenger hunt we drove around looking for a good Korean restaurant, we ended up finding an average place it was pretty decent. We then went back to her house to have cake with some other friends, it was fun just to hang out and sing... even though I'm not the greatest singer. Actually pretty much the worst. It was fun none the less. We went to school where we had this interesting hike in the dark, I can say of all the times I walked down that trail, that was the most fun I had. It felt like an adventure. Then we finally got to go to Menchies! It was pretty good but it's no Yogurtland, I think it's pretty good, I can see my self going back a lot. All in all it was a really awesome day. It wasn't the first and it hopefully won't be the last.

Maybe I'll gather the courage to tell her how I feel, although I'm pretty sure it's almost blatantly obvious. But for now I'm just gonna enjoy the ride and take things as they come. I sure hope she likes me... Haha.. I feel like a school boy in love... I am a school boy in love... haha.. =P

Feelings

Sometimes you don't really know how to deal with a situation because your emotions are involved and they make highly reasonable individuals do highly illogical things. Feelings always complicate things. Feelings make people lose sleep, weight, and for no rational reason follow their heart when their mind knows the dangers that lie ahead.

It seems like my life is a continual loop of nice guys finish last. I wonder why it is that I can just click with anyone but there's never any attraction towards me. What is it that causes one individual to become attracted to another individual? Why does it happen one way sometimes and two ways other times? Right now I'm sort of in a situation where there's someone I like, but she doesn't know it. I know what you're gonna say how will she know if you don't tell her?
Well she's not interested in me, she's never seen me in that light before... Maybe I'm starting to feel as if I can't be loved and that my lot in life is to be alone. Maybe it's Karma for what I did to my ex. There are too many situations that I don't want to think about but I know I will. Can someone give me answers?

So... what do I do?

So right now I'm in a situation where... well I don't know what to do? I guess I'll think about it a bit more.. is it too fast? what if I wait too long? I don't know really.. I'm just confused...

Absent

I've sort of been away from my blog for the past few weeks, and I'm surprised to see that there are still people visiting it. I'm not sure if it's real people or not, I hope it is. In any event I will try to add to my blog more often as it seems I've been absent and somewhat neglectful of this blog. I don't mean to be absent from it but I guess school has started up and readings are starting to pile up... and although that's just an excuse it's what I'm sticking with right now... so hopefully I won't be absent too long. Till later.

Sick again?

Why have I been sick every day of this new year? I'm starting the year off 100% sick... or 0% healthy. I prefer to see myself as glass half full so I've been perfect this year... perfectly sick... sweet!

I haven't really seen the need to post or rather the will to post this week too much just because of my health. I've been holed up in my room for the past week and other than that I haven't done too much. Just in time for school to start... Laid off and school starting and sick.. beautiful... well I guess that's it for today as I'm losing focus and brain health... so till later.

Frustration

I'm just frustrated at this point... AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you ever have the feeling you just want to go punch something for hours? That's kind of how I feel right now... A lot of frustration and not a lot of outlet...

The New Years resolution blog

I guess this is what I should do, because it's a good time to blog about my resolutions for the new year. One thing I know for sure is that I'm not taking crap from anyone anymore.

I also will do the typical work out more and get in shape... I'm starting the year off by playing basketball and possibly running a few miles later this week (health allowing - as I've been battling some sort of viral infection in my throat causing a fever).

Anyways, back to my resolutions... I am determined to not play more than 2 hours of video games per day, should be too hard because well I'm not too interested in games these days. I've lost my passion for video games, it's pretty much a time sink for the most part.

I also hope to read at least 2 hours a day, pretty much to balance out any video game playing I do during the day if not exceed it. At least 1 hour of educational, and then another hour of leisure.

On to those around me, I hope to improve the relationships I have with the people in my life. As such I also will do all in my power to make those around me happy, even at the expense of my self. Like Eeyore has said before "Just smile and get over with it" That's pretty much what I'll be doing... smile keep moving forward, stop carrying my emotions on my sleeve and just be strong.

Spend less, save more... pretty self explanatory there.

Ummm.. I guess I have some more but I can't think of any of them right now.. so for now that's my list...

Find love I suppose would be my final resolution or let love find me... but don't stress about it... if it happens it'll happen.