You

You, Yes, you. I am writing this for you.

I know you are reading this, and I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it's not. I am writing this for you.

I want you to know, life... it's hard. Everyday can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile, but I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing. You really are.

You should be happy. You are gorgeous.

I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what? At least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun's warm rays on your face. Or that cold wind that bites at your cheeks. You know what that means?

You're alive and everything will be Okay.

New Jobs

Well everyone, I just started today at a new job working in retail sales. Not exactly what I thought it'd be but then again I did kind of expect it and sign up for it. Maybe I just need to actually get into the swing of it before I'll like it. The atmosphere and environment seem stressful but I guess that's the risk you run when you get into a job like that. Very numbers oriented. I'm not really much of a numbers kinda guy. I like working with them but I don't like being forced to attain some sort of number as a goal and stuff... I guess that's why I'm not very motivated in school. Or I just never really knew what I was doing in school, of which my perspective has changed a bit.
So in starting my new job, as always with any job you need to go through training. I'll be going through another 6 or so training sessions and I need to get comfortable talking to strangers and initiating conversation with them again. Fun stuff. It's like being in California again, just with a different end goal. Lets see how it'll work this time. I don't think I'm cut out for talking to strangers and stuff. But then again, I did it before I don't see why I can't do it again. I just need to build up my own client base and then sell sell sell. I should take tips from random movies like "the goods" and stuff. Anyways, here's to a new job and a new list of skills I can add to my ever so diminutive resume.

Self Healing

So despite all the random happenings in my life sometimes all it takes to make things better is just spending some time alone. For me, i think there are two things that I know will help. The first being a hug from a good friend. The second just trying something new, while listening to my fav tunes. There is a lot of healing power in music. My personal favourite way to sort go through self healing.
I don't know what it is about music, but it's incredibly powerful in evoking emotions in people sometimes whether you want it or not. I think as an individual I've realized more often than not I'm happier than I appear. I need to stop being a drama queen and just let the people around me know that I really am happy with my life inspite of some of the little things that may not be perfect or the way I want it, that's kinda how life is... Things don't turn out the way you want, but just gotta deal with it. Dreams are called dreams for a reason. If they came true it'd be reality and you wouldn't have dreams. That's another blog. Anyways thanks to my friends for the support. Love you all.

Issues

It's normal in every person's life to go through challenges, emotional, physical, social, spiritual, or other. I guess this is the time in my life which will be my refiners fire for now. I'm not really sure the frequency of my blogging, but then again I have never really been too frequent with my blogs. I'm just going through some things, of all aspects of my life and I guess I'm just here to say that those expecting more frequent blogs or who are following my random writings, may be in for a bit of a wait. Or maybe not, I think blogging to me is very therapeutic. It's an outlet for me to release some steam or some of the stresses, physical or otherwise from my life and just to be able to sit here and reflect on what's going good in my life and what's going bad. Right now it seems like a lot more bad than good. But, when the world is crashing down on you it always seems that way. Not much you can do about that. I thought I needed someone to talk to but I don't think I do... I know what I need to hear. I'm actually telling myself those exact things. I'm assuming the rest of the population is in a similar boat but we all know what we need to hear when we're going through things. We all know what we need to do to overcome them. Just we don't like to face the realities of things and we try to avoid confrontation. As human individuals we really don't like drama or confrontation. When we lack the proper outlet to release these emotions, these bottled up emotions (emotions are highly volatile, and should be handled with caution), can explode in various forms leading to arguments, broken hearts, physical violence, or worse. 

I've been trying to distract myself with various things but I know that's not the answer. I've tried to fill my life with material goods, but that also has been in vain and has caused me some financial burden. I know these things don't work necessarily and are only a short term fix. But we don't like to do what's hardest to do but we know is a sure resolution for things. We'd like to think we are responsible but for the most part we are irresponsible in the ways we treat what we have stewardship over. Even ourselves. Now I'm not saying all of humanity is screwed in this aspect but for a majority of the population it's true. Or so I'd like to believe, it's more reassuring to know I'm not the only screwed up one in the world (I know that's an exaggeration).

I just need some company right now. Someone to just sit there with me and not say a word but just be there. Not any words of consolation, not any form of distraction but just someone to be there. And maybe a hug, those are always nice. Something about a heartfelt hug that is indescribable in it's healing capabilities. So if anyone out there would like to really find me, to be there for me.. call me. I'll be around trying to do some personal conflict resolution, trying to face up to the things I need to do. Then not run away from it, and just face it and do it. 

Realizations

I've come to realize a few things over the past few months I've been back home, after my whirlwind adventure in California. They're not really ground breaking or anything, as most of my ideas are. That's why I'd say they're more realizations than anything else. The realization of something that's already there but for some reason or another it's been invisible to your senses for the past however long. 

There is something to be said about the idea of "The law of Attraction". If you don't know what it is, well the short version of it is basically. If you desire something enough, it'll happen. Positive thinking breeds positive actions, breeds positive results. Negative actions... etc you get the point. If you really want to hear more about it and have lots of time to waste, read this book called "The secret". I don't recommend it as it seems to be a over inflated self help book. But they also came out with a movie, of that same book. I tried to read it and then I tried to watch it... Key word being tried. Needless to say, I've realized that the law of attraction is not entirely true but not entirely false. I've had a negative attitude for the first little while I was back, but now that my outlook is starting to change, things have been going well for me. I found a job, I enrolled in school... and the weather is sunny again. I missed the sun. Some may say it's a coincidence. That very well may be true, but at the same time you can never really say because there are often too many coincidences in life as it is for things not to have played out a certain way to benefit us. <<-- That is a whole other bag of marbles... (MIB reference, do we live in a massively tiny marble with infinitely small universes inside?)

I guess the second thing is that if you want something you gotta work to make it happen, but at the same time regardless of how hard you work at something. It might not happen. *it's like I covered all the bases* So why is this a realization? Well I guess it's just a motivating factor for people not to waste their lives doing nothing. The concept of work has always generated prosperity of some sort. Whether it be intrinsic satisfaction or whether it be emotional growth, the materialistic desires that a person may have or some other value of worth. The tricky thing is that you don't always get to choose which of these values you will gain as you work for something. You can have an idea of how you will grow or how you will get gain, but you won't know for sure unless you actually try to work towards that goal. Only after you accomplish the work will the goal come. Sometimes it'll come quickly, sometimes it'll be slow... no one really knows. It helps to develop patience, as I've mentioned before the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Something else that I've realized is that love really does make the world go round. I'm not just speaking of the emotional love either. I'm using the broadest sense of the term Love which encompasses, love for pets, love for hobbies, love for work, love for inanimate objects or anything else someone may "love". Love is so strong because it drives and motivates our desires and our desires motivate our actions. That's why it can be so scary to some, and so desired by others. Scary because it can change someone to be someone they're not, it can also causes people to do irrational things and things like it. It's often when you develop your love that it becomes a part of your life so immense and encompassing that you can only wonder where did such a powerful emotion come from? 

I'm sort of a random person and my thoughts aren't always orderly. But those of you following this by now will know this of me. But variety is the spice of life *super cliché*. Most of the time people do things they regret because they don't want to settle into a rut, or because they've already settled into it. Mix it up a bit. Not saying you need to go change every aspect of your life daily but just find something new or a new perspective on something. I guess that's why I'm so random, it drives people crazy at times but for me it keeps me sane. 

*side note: It's funny how my blog is called Daily Dreamer Travels and I haven't traveled yet... maybe I've talked about this before but my desires are to travel the world one day... one day*

The best kind of relationship is when they're not only your lover, but your best friend too.

One hopes that one day you can find someone you like, hoping that one day that like turns into love. You always hear that people want to find someone they’re compatible with and they can tell everything to, do everything with, and just plain be yourself without having to worry about what they think. In many aspects, your best friend is exactly that kind of person, a person who accepts you for who you are and loves you for it.

So why would the best kind of relationship be with someone who you not only love but consider a best friend? I guess it begins with why we even date in the first place. At least for me and many others I know, we date to find someone we can spend time with, who we have a romantic attraction to, and to develop something that can survive through thick and thin. Ultimately one day, most of us hope to find someone we can marry, and spend the rest of our lives with. We look around and hoping that we find someone with all the character traits of what we want in a relationship partner but deep down inside we want someone we can be completely open with, who will take our jokes, criticisms, imperfections and subtle nuances that make us who we are and just be happy with. 

Best friends sort of are these people. They understand us, sometimes more than we understand ourselves. We trust them, we love them, and we’d be willing to do almost anything for them and they for us. A lot of the qualities that a best friend possesses are these very same qualities that people look for in a relationship. Someone we can trust. Someone whom we love. Someone who we’d be willing to do anything for and they for us, because we love them. There are many other intangibles as to why we choose who we choose in relationships, although it’s debatable that we even choose our relationships as sometimes we can’t really control who we love, it just happens. For good or for bad, we fall in love and what we do after that depends on us (whole other topic). 

You always hear about people who are in relationships out of comfort. Yes I believe relationships should be comfortable, but at the same time they should be fun, exciting and that feeling that you first had when you first started to know them should be there. I think that the Honeymoon phase shouldn’t go away. Love is meant to be exciting, why else would our hearts skip a beat when we’re around those we love. Whenever I’m with my best friends, I have that same sort of excitement. One day I just hope that I can be in a relationship with someone who I love and consider a best friend. Not only for the reasons I’ve mentioned but for all the intangibles and reasons I can’t really explain because that’s how love is. 

Unfortunate?

Sometimes I think I just come into the most unfortunate situations... well not really sure if that's the best word to describe it. Usually however, I find a way to overcome these situations... at least I try. I wonder what makes me drawn towards these? Or these unfortunate situations drawn towards me? Either way me and unfortunate situations seem to be best friends. What am I to do? Not that this troubles me too much, rather it's become a part of my life it seems. Just sort of going down this road of life, hand in hand with my bad luck if you will. I think life seems to be more interesting this way... but at the same time one tends to want things to be... less exciting at times... But I guess where I'm at in life.. It doesn't seem like it'll happen... 3am.. I need to sleep.. blog tomorrow I guess...

I guess it's not easy

I've always thought sharing secrets of mine was easy... I've done it so easily in the past.. But I guess my secrets in the past haven't really been too big or anything of any significance... But its different now... I guess it's not that easy... But I will tell them just give me some time to sort things through

Insomnia

I've had insomnia before.. well a mild form of it and it really can shut a person down for the rest of the next day. Sleep is super important but sometimes for one reason or another we are unable to do so. Tests, projects, assignments are a big thing when you're younger for why we don't sleep. As we get older these change to projects, deadlines, and financial issues. The stresses of life are always all around us, and whatever age we're at one thing that can cause lack of sleep in people of all ages is that of emotional stresses. But the question is how we can cure it. Sometimes I don't think there is a cure per say but a way to temporarily suppress whatever anxieties or stresses our body has that causes this insomnia. I think the only way to truly rid yourself of insomnia is to open up to the subconscious or even conscious problems that we all know that we have, usually we say we don't know because we're in denial. While we do this, we give ourselves the chance to become vulnerable and deep down we're afraid of exposing ourselves to this vulnerable side for fear of being hurt. Sometimes however in order to solve a problem we need to face our fears and confront our problems. Does it always produce good results? No, but can we solve our insomnia? That I don't think so either. I'm really not a doctor just some guy sitting at a keyboard trying to figure out all of life's intricacies while getting through this existence myself. Do I have insomnia? I'd say no, but sleeping at erratic times and napping here and there when I can I guess has thrown my sleep cycles off. But I feel rested for the most part and do what I can to enjoy my time awake, for one day we shall return to the dust from whence we came. I want to use my time to the fullest to enjoy every little bit of life. Even if it means fighting off a bout of insomnia here or there. ^-^

Wow.. I feel stupid

So I just spent the last two hours trying to add this music widget to this blog.. looking high and low trying to edit this and that.. failure after failure.. wasting two hours about to give up after using google and then... I turn to youtube.. and sure enough. I find a video.. that showed me all I needed to do was like 2 simple steps that I could have done earlier if I had looked just a little harder... FML. Hope you enjoy the music though

Clouds

I've decided to start putting up some poems, nothing spectacular just things I'm gonna write on the fly. So my first poem as you may have guessed will be about clouds!

                                    Floating freely in the sky                        puffy white or shades of grey
                           Soaring high above the world below, I watch and wonder where you will go today
                     Will you fly across this land? What will you see when you go where you're going? Can I see?
                 The world looks different from way up there, a view of things that I can only get but once in a while
                      Are you sad when it rains? Does it hurt when the fight of lightning explodes from within you?
                         So carefree it seems your life would be, always dancing and flowing around the sky 
                               If but only if...         I could see or even be             a cloud just like you

Surprise! Two posts today...

I doubt I have many followers, but for those of you who do follow this blog. I'm on again by... well not really popular demand but just because I feel like sharing my randomness with you all right now.

So I've been waiting for a call back from a company that I applied for a job at. I was all excited thinking the interview went well... and I still do think that. But they haven't called me back, so as the wait continues to grow longer, So does my hope grow smaller. As I've been waiting I've come to realize a few things about waiting. Well not really realize but I guess re-discover, these aren't really revolutionary theories I'm spouting out but things that have been shadowed by no one really caring about it. I've narrowed it down to a few key points.

The FIRST:
     Waiting makes everything in life more worth it when it comes.

We've all had experiences with Christmas, or for those of other faiths. Hanukkah (that looks weird), Kwanzaa or whatever religious or non religious holiday you choose to celebrate in December. As far as I know, all these holidays people give and receive gifts. What are some of the best memories of these holiday? Well I don't know about you but my best memories are waking up really early in the morning and opening gifts. What made these gifts so fun to open? The wait! Waiting gives us suspense, it makes us use our imagination and create scenarios to prepare ourselves for what may come. Then when it does come, and it is a favorable thing (I know there are circumstances where things don't come as we plan - I'm just discussing positive experience), then all the waiting we went through makes what we're waiting for that much better.

The SECOND:
       Waiting develops patience.

There's the old saying, patience is a virtue. Indeed it is, and especially in this society where everything is instant and at our finger tips all the time, the virtue of patience seems to be lost on an entire generation. We often get angry at fast food restaurants when we have to wait longer than 2 minutes. What has the world come to that we can't wait 2 minutes for our food? Lets assume that I have 5 minutes to procure food, what would happen if lets say it took 5 minutes. Generally speaking, there would be anger built up, frustration and in some instances yelling. Lets take that same scenario and say you get your food in an astonishing 1 minute. What would you do with those 4 minutes? We save those 4 minutes only to waste them somewhere else. Now you might say, well if we saved them here then we could use them productively somewhere else. Possibly, but how often do you find yourself having periods in your day when not much of anything is done? Whether it be due to lack of things to do, lack of ability to do what needs to be done for reasons beyond your control, or just a general lack of motivation to do things due to the humongous mountain of small tasks that need to be completed for the day. In a society where everything is so fast, we need to slow down our tempers and give room for some patience to grow and to refine our souls. In the end, whether or not you got that burger in 2 minutes or less, won't really matter and more often than not, you'll have forgotten by the time you've consumed the food. But by exercising a little patience, we can make someone's day by not being a jerk about it.
Which brings us to my next point

The THIRD:
     When life goes by too fast we loose sight of the beauty that surrounds us.

We have access to everything and whenever we see something that we want, we do all that we can to get it as fast as we can. In the process we lose sight of the little things that make up that make life beautiful. We drive every where we go and lose our temper when traffic isn't going as we would like (I am guilty of this myself). But there have been times when I've been speeding my way to wherever I go (not actually flying past speed limit - =p) but going along then I catch a glimpse of nature in it's wonder and then for that moment, the world seems to wash away leaving me to marvel in the beauty that I've seen. There are so many little things that make life more interesting all around us but we're so focused on being entertained for the here and now and doing what we want when we want it that we blind ourselves to these awe inspiring moments. I wonder what life would be like, if we port our entire civilization 6000 years in the past with no modern anything. Some of us, would do well in coping without. But I'm guessing a vast majority of our developed nations wouldn't know what to do with themselves. I just ask that everyday you take a moment or two to stop, look around at your surroundings and try to find something beautiful and appreciate the fact that it's there.

I know in an age where we can tweet, blog, tumble, flicker, and update statuses in the blink of an eye; we also miss out on the interactions and emotions that make us special, patience, charity, service, and love as we seek to do everything all at once. Waiting can really make the difference between bad timing and perfect timing. So here I am, in front of my techno box, waiting albeit not passively, for something that I hope will be worth my wait. Something so beautiful, so wonderful, that I can't wait when it comes. Hopefully it'll be sooner than later. I can't stand the wait... haha =)

Dying

Here's something I came across on the internet this morning and I just had something to say about it.

Sometimes in life we pass over opportunities because we're so focused on what's in front of us that we don't really see the great things that are all around us, sometimes even right beside us. Life is all about living, how we choose to live each day is the measure of our character. I think I've been thinking about how I'm living my life these days, and what I've realized is that I still have a lot I want to accomplish. A lot I want to live, but more importantly are the people I want to be a part of this life I choose to live. Just remember to live everyday without regret, doing what you're passionate about and loving what you do.

Is it worth it?

Sometimes there are times when you're faced with a choice. On the one hand you have something that you're comfortable with but isn't really helping you grow. Then you have the second option, something new but filled with risks and challenges.
With the first choice the growth and payoffs aren't superb, but its safe and reliable.
The second choice is pretty much a gamble of sorts, looks bad at times leaving the comfort of something you know and trust, but the rewards are so great it becomes a question of "is the sacrifice worth the payoff?"
Most of the time we would stay with what we know and what's comfortable. Would you agree? Why risk something thats already good?
Well it happens more than we realize in our daily lives. Education is one of the best examples, of course there is a huge sacrifice for education, we give up comforts of the day to day, sleep, social life, our time. For the chance to gain greater rewards of better jobs in the future. With an education are we guaranteed a better job? No, but we are given the chance for something much better.
You might think, thats a bad example. I agree to some extent, but my point is that sometimes we need to evaluate the two options and ask... "is it worth it?"
Quitting a stable job for something with better pay and benefits is also something very risky. Why? You have no idea how long the company may want you. But people do it all the time.

What it comes down to is usually one of a few things. Does it make me happier? Are the gains greater than the losses? What do my friends and family think of it? Where do I see myself in the future in terms of the choice? But most important, at least to me, is what does my heart feel? More often than not our feelings are more than just an impulsive reaction but they usually lead us to greater growth and ultimately happiness. Will we face sadness from the choice? Sometimes. But in the end, things always work out for the better after making such choices. So when faced with a crossroads in the future, just think of me(shameless self plug) and ask yourself. Is it worth it?

Saturday Night at Home Alone

It's a Saturday night and most of the world is out partying it up with those friends and random people they've met somewhere or another, but here I am alone at home. I'm actually enjoying my evening contrary to my usual sort of mood, where I sit in sadness of being alone. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy going out as much as the next person but I think these days I'm starting to understand the sorts of intrinsic happiness that comes from a greater self worth.

So I've decided to start a little thing called "Today's Adventure", it's more of a personal thing but you're all free to play this game in your own lives. So what it is, is just taking the everyday mundane and trying to find something unique or something different that you haven't noticed before and then either doing one of two things, taking a picture of it in a manner which makes it seem amazing OR making use of whatever it is in a way that you wouldn't normally use it. So today, I took a picture, and yesterday I did too.. I think personally it's just gonna be pictures for me... scratch the second option of the "Today's Adventure" game I think I'm just gonna take pictures of things that make me happy that day. So I went out with a friend today for lunch and had a great time, so I took a picture because her friendship made me happy. Yesterday I was driving around downtown at night and seeing the buildings and the architecture made me happy. That's pretty much what I've done. Maybe one day I'll create some sort of album of daily adventures but for now... They're just for me to see.

So in taking a few steps back looking at life I've decided that the next few years of my own life will be less than desirable but hopefully it'll make a difference 10 years down the line. That's when I foresee life being enjoyable again, in a general sense. I think the day to day is more than good enough for my liking, well... not more than good enough but it's satisfactory I guess. Today was really a good day in my opinion, not a great day... well sort of. Haven't really had too many depressing moments. I guess being a philosophical thinker tends to lead you down that path. Some of the greatest thinkers of all time were sort of crazy in their own way. But with that said, I'll try to lead my life away from the path down to insanity... ^.^

English Movies and Indie Flicks

Over the past little while I've had the opportunity to watch several films of various genres and among some of my most favourite recently have been the indie film variety. Oddly enough, as I've been watching these indie films and they have a remarkable similarity to some of the British movies I've been watching as well. Maybe I've been watching British indie films, I really don't know. In any case, I think British movies are the new indie film, at least for us over here in the American continent. There's something so wonderful about the movies I've been watching. They all have this attitude of I don't need to prove anything to anyone so we're gonna make a movie that you'll enjoy just as much as we enjoyed making it. They all also have this same indie film sort of mood to them, so having said that I think my new favourite genre is the British indie film genre, often overlooked but I just like the movies because they're just quality movies not muddled down by the billion dollar hollywood industry.
I think that's something I'm gonna apply more to my life, I'm gonna do things not to impress people but because I enjoy doing it. It's something I've done in the past but I guess I kind of forgot a little. So I guess it's a challenge to anyone who reads this blog, start doing things because you enjoy doing it, not out of habit or out of pressure. Try to find the little things in life that really make you happy and pursue them, you never know what sorts of surprises you might find in the adventure.

Last little quote from one of the characters in a movie I watched today,

Love is there if you want it to be, you just have to see that it's wrapped in beauty and hidden away

 between the seconds of your life. If you don't stop for a minute you might miss it" - Ben Willis

Nothing Lasts Forever

Watch "Maroon 5 Nothing Lasts Forever live" on YouTube

Wow I was randomly listening to songs at 4am and normally I don't pay attention to lyrics this late at night but the words just jumped out at me today.. And it really does describe the feelings I had as I went through my recent break up... The Maroon 5 section... Not so much the Kanye part but it was still pretty cool to listen to. I think as time goes on everything will work itself out. So I'm not too worried about little everyday bumps in the road. Just how things turned out, I ponder a lot what led to where I am... I still continue to do so... But I'm starting to see where I'm going a little more.

Much Ado About Nothing

So it feels like the days are being intertwined in a way that I can't really understand how it happened or what makes it so. Every day flows into the next, the weeks pass by quickly, the days are even faster, yet every hour seems slower and slower as the days go by. 

So I don't really know what I'm posting today, but I just had a feeling that I should post. I guess that's why it's much ado about nothing. Not much going on, nothing really surprising in my life. I do feel a lot more alone these days but I guess that's the lack of social interaction with people. Being at home everyday is really tough, I guess I really am what you would call a social creature. I really need to find some outlet to feed my social appetite, I think a lot of it comes down to are my friendships that I do have. Are they really what I had thought they were? Can I rely on them as friends? Or is it I the one that is untrustworthy? I think a lot of the time we point fingers at others but really the one that we should be pointing fingers at is ourselves. I think in my case, I feel it is from other people but I know really the heart of all the problems I face is from myself and no one else. What really needs to change isn't my relationships with my friends but rather my relationship with myself. So the question is where do I start fixing the problems I've created? I guess that's the biggest question. ... where do I go from here... 

Birthday awesomeness

T: So Joy how old are you now?
J: 25.. I was born in 1987
T:??? So 24?
J: no.. Because my birthday is in December so 25...