What will happen in the new year

I always wonder what I could change in the new year to make my life better. It's a time for reflection, to look back at past mistakes and move forward. I know there are some things that are out of my control, but at the same time I also think that my overall happiness should and is pretty much dependent on me. Basically the big questions I have right now are as follows.

Will I be able to graduate soon?
Where will my life go after I finish my undergrad?
Will I be able to fix the wrongs that I have done this year?
Will I be able to find love or will love finally find me? (sometimes it's hard to notice.. or sometimes it just wants to ignore you)
Where will work take me?

Other than that I have a lot of small questions but those are the biggest ones for now... what do you think will happen?

Cupcakes, Cookies and Baked Goods

I think these days I've been in sort of a funk, but I've been trying to learn to do more things and just build my general life skill set. These days I've been doing a lot more baking then.. well ever before. I've never really baked anything in my life until this year. I guess this is the sort of thing you do when you are trying to get your mind off things, find hobbies and other things to do. In the mean time, I'm just taking things one day at a time and not really thinking about anything, well until January then things pick up again but for now I guess this is what I'm doing, baking, drawing, writing, reading doing things that I haven't really done very much of as of late but I do really enjoy doing it. We'll see what happens. I should probably exercise more too... one step at a time.

Irrationality

The order of events of life seem to be highly irrational. Sometimes what we do for others can be seen as irrational too. For example, I spent an hour or so making a dessert for a friend's birthday only to not have them try it at all. Why would I do such a thing? Highly irrational. I've also found myself in relationships where numerous irrational things happen on either side leading to the eventuality of a separation of individuals. How these separations occur, I have no answer, relationships in general seem highly irrational. Relationships cause us to do a lot of irrational things as well... we form these bonds with individuals who we formerly have no connection with and are often complete strangers. These bonds we form can be infinitely powerful, causing us to do entirely illogical and irrational things that on lookers to our situation would look at and think. What on Earth caused us to do something like that. I really don't know what causes us to do things like that nor do I really hope to comprehend emotions and the intricacies of relationships. I really don't know why I started blogging, but I've lost my focus and I guess it's probably because it's really late now. I don't know who still follows, who still reads my ramblings or if these just go off into space, but my thoughts are the same, I don't know why I like you.. but I do. Whether you read this or not, I guess it doesn't matter, the fact of the matter is that I do. Whether you like me or not, I don't know, I have no control over that. All I can do is to let you know what my feelings are... But in that same sense I can't, because you're in a relationship... So why did I even bother to write all these things? Entirely Irrational, but love is irrational that's what makes it fun and exciting. The ups can be really high but the downs can be really low. What will you do about this, if you should so happen to stumble upon this blog? I don't know. What you do is entirely your decision and all that I want is for you to be happy... So just do what makes you happy. Even if that doesn't include me, all that matters is what makes you happy... Smile, be happy and live life... It'll all work out in the end... Rational or Irrational, it'll all work out in the end.. So what makes me happy? Being irrational I guess... I'll keep doing what I'm doing and try to be happy everyday.. and just smile... = )

Love is in the air

I guess this is a perfect season for love to blossom and bloom, it's happening all around me and I'm happy for those who have found or continue to love this Christmas season. The reason I say this is because I've recently found out some of my closest friends have recently started relationships or have hit milestones in their love life, being engaged, being married, etc. So one would say that love is indeed in the air. Having said this, there's also something to be said about those who have yet to have found love, well not something to be said about them but in regards to them. People like me, sometimes people say they aren't looking but in actuality the reason we say we aren't looking is because of a few reasons. We don't want to seem like all we do is look for a relationship. We don't want to seem lonely. We don't want your pity. We actually enjoy being single, but not long term (at least I tell myself that while I wait for my opportunities to arise... Sometimes things are really out of my control). I do say that I am enjoying it, at times. When I hang out with other single people, but it limits my friends when there are only a handful of us left. A dying breed if you will.. (also not a bad thing, don't get me wrong I am happy for those who have found love).

In some aspects of life, people not in relationships are often excluded from things as well. At least from my perspective I feel I am at times... Case in point, would be some of my friends who have good intentions, but I guess have missed the sensitivity alarm going off. So like, I was hanging out with friends about a week ago, we weren't doing anything special, but the subject of relationships came up and then I realized everyone in the room was in a relationship except for me. Not a big deal so far as this is often the case for me these days. The thing that got me was when one of my friend mentioned how they went on a couples only date, and how they said I should have went... *at this point my mind was thinking* "REALLY now... REALLY???" I didn't know how to respond other than ignoring it and moving on. But sometimes, and this may seem a bit of a rant, sometimes you people in relationships don't really notice your friends who aren't in them, and your actions clearly show. Public displays of affection are good in moderate amounts with larger groups of people. Not so much with a handful of people especially when there are individuals who are single around (if not them then me).

Now I don't want to sound bitter but I guess what I'm trying to say is that love is in the air and in time everyone will find their one true love. So for those of you who have found love and you know with a certainty you've found love then hold on to it.. for those of you who may be unsure, take a step back and ask yourself a few questions to help you understand whether you really are in love or if it's time to move on.. sometimes the longer you hold on to something that isn't right, the more pain it will cause in the end (I know from experience)... and for those of you who are in the same boat as me... well.. it's tough out there, but one day it'll be our turn too... until then just smile because we're still alive... as long as we have that there's still hope... so Merry Christmas, miracles can happen... and finding love is truly a miracle worth treasuring, even if it is for but a moment.

I don't have that Killer instinct

I guess I'm too kindhearted because I'm not selling enough in my commission retail job. I let other people get sales that should be mine, but I'm not really too concerned. I think at first it was something I was interested in but I don't think retail sales is for me. I'm not too sure... I do enjoy selling things but at the same time I don't like the pressure that I have to need to perform. Sometimes I wish I had the "killer instinct" to be in sales, or just to be more aggressive in life. I usually just sit back and let things come as they do, but there are some things in life that really are and should be fought for. I don't know why it is though that I don't do that, to an extent. I guess at work I don't think that it's life or death if I work there. But I will admit that there are a few things at the moment I'm fighting for... maybe not to the extent that I'll be overly bold and aggressive but in my own way I am definitely not giving up.

How will things end up? I'll see what happens in the future, will I get what I want? Who knows... only time will tell I guess...

Confusion

So this has been one of the biggest things going on in my life as of late... confusion... and a lot of it. Not knowing if I want this or that, or if I want to be here or there. Sometimes I wish that people can choose for me what I will do in life. It'd make it so much easier, but then where's the fun in that. As of late, I'm just wondering what I should do... should I keep doing what I'm doing? Is there going to be an end to this? Or should I just stop and move on? 

The funny thing about confusion is that you really don't have any resolution until you finally step up and make a decision. Then follow through with it. I've been making decisions based on this or that... sometimes I'm really confused whether I made the right choice or not... Other times it seems like I'm walking down a road that has no end... But I guess that's part of confusion.. You never really know what will happen or what you should do... Sometimes the emotions get in the way too... Well not even sometimes... it does all the time... Well, emotions are messy... but they also make life worth living... Will the confusion go away? I'm not sure.. will it end well? Maybe... One can only hope for something more...

I guess... It's Christmas time, so Miracles aren't out of the question. Christmas Miracles!!! 

Imagine

Lying here in bed, I have a lot of time to think about things. Often times my thoughts lead to daydreams or just plain old regular ones. Sometimes I like to get away from reality by imagining what life would be like, if this happened, or if I didn't do that. I realize it is a wasted effort but at the same time provides me with an escape... Not that I'm sad or anything but sometimes living in a fantasy world is so much better... but why can't reality be as good as fantasy? I think it can be.. it just might not always be that way... more often than not... *horrible analogy coming up* you need to read a bunch of bad books before you can read a single good book. I've been reading a lot of books, when will I find the one that has a good ending? Hopefully the next book I read... Will I choose the book or will the book choose me? Life's funny like that.. we think we have choice but... do we? I don't know...

It's funny when...

So it's kind of funny sometimes, how someone warns you of something. You ignore the warning... Then it happens! I won't go in to details but needless to say, I think it's kind of funny. Sometimes, I think life is trying to tell you something when something like that happens. But often I don't really pay attention to signs a lot of the time, especially life signs... even though it sometimes does warn me of impending implosion. Sometimes you just gotta follow your heart. It might cause immense heartache and sadness, but at the same time it can lead you down a road where you grown and experience happiness beyond what you could dream. We'll see what happens down this road. I wonder if I'll have more funny moments, like today. They're awesome... Defying the odds is how I try to live my life every day. maybe... It really was a good day today though. I think any day is a good day when you get to see the people that make you happiest. Family and friends included.

3am

Aptly named blog post, it's 3am here and I'm up... Why might you ask? I don't know really. I just got home... although I wasn't out all night I actually just stepped out for a few hours.. First time I've left the house at 1am to go out... but anyways.. more than that I've noticed I have a lot of free time. A lot more than I felt I would. Anyways, I think that I've been going about life in the entirely wrong way. I've been trying to actively pursue things and make things happen in my life. Although my attitude and how I carry myself would say otherwise... I've come to the realization that if I were to have anything happen... I can't force it. I need to just take it as it is, if things do happen then they happen. If not, then nothing in the world I do will make it happen. Not really an Earth shattering revelation but it's my little epiphany if you will. One of many I've had in recent weeks. There's something to be said about everything that's been going on in my life. I think it's leading me down a path I never really would have taken or thought about going down and I'm not sure if it's a path that is good or bad yet as I've only begun this next phase of my life.

Will I have more 3am blogs? More likely than not I will... but in any event things will be as they are for the time being and of changes in my life. I can't foresee anything big happening. Maybe? Christmas miracles still happen, but I'm not really in need of anything this Christmas. I just want my friends to be happy. Not the superficial, I'm fine, or I'm good. But I want all of my friends and loved ones to feel sincere joy and happiness in their lives. I think that's my biggest wish in life. Is for those around me that I love, family and friends... is for them all to just have all their troubles seem insignificant or gone. I know I can't influence things like this but maybe, I'll change things. One problem, one worry, one stress, and come up with solutions. One person at a time.

Suck it up...

Listening to Marianas Trench - All to Myself right now. The lyrics kind of stick out to me right now, the song is like an emo rock ish song, pop rock? alternative rock? not really sure.. but anyways..  The chorus is catchy...

Did you say 
Please just follow me
I thought you wanted me 
Cause I want you all to myself
I can try and suck it up 
I just can't suck it up
Make me feel like someone else
Please just follow me
I thought you wanted me 
Cause I want you all to myself
I can try and suck it up 
I just can't suck it up
Make me feel like someone else

I don't know why these lyrics of everything stood out to me. It kind of seems very emo, but I guess that's the style of music or at least the people they target. Anyways, I seem to like them more these days. Maybe I'm secretly emo, so secret that I myself don't know it!

Anyways, what was I going to say? Suck it up is pretty much the way I've been feeling lately about things. Work is super boring, just gotta suck it up... Life is chugging along slowly, just gotta suck it up... Things don't always turn out like I want, but whatever, just gotta suck it up... =D No one can really expect life to be perfect and sometimes all you can do about something is just suck it up...

hmmm... it's late... I guess that's all for tonight peeps.. =) I'll post something more meaningful later...

Bruno Mars

So this aptly named blog post is probably because I've been listening to a lot of Bruno Mars recently and his songs are so on point about things going on in my life, at least some things.. not ALL of his songs. But more so than his songs alone, I think I just wanted to write about the power of music and how influential it can be. Music can change the mood of anything instantly with a few notes or chords played in a certain rhythm or tone. I think music really does have the power to mend broken hearts, to cure sadness, pain, suffering... sometimes I think music really is inspired of God. In a way he gives us the ability to create such beautiful sound for us to be able to separate ourselves from physical and bring us into the emotional realm of feeling. I'm not saying all music is like this, because there is a lot of pop noise going on in the world that isn't bad but I don't know. Sometimes music isn't just the sound, but the lyrics or emotions. I don't really know how to explain what I feel about it but I just feel that music really does play a powerful role in our lives even if we aren't fans of music it really does change who we are. Why else are there so many studies on children and infants on music? I think those scientists are on to something because music early in life can change one's life. Ok so my mind is off right now... Sort of a mix of thoughts, emotions, feelings and all sorts of mish-mash going on right now in my brain... like someone took a rainbow blender and turned it on awesome. Haha... it's like a happy rainbow tornado. Weird analogy. Since my thoughts are all blended into rainbow awesomeness, I guess I'm done this post. Peace

Today is a Good Day

So I'll be blogging with more frequency because I got a hardware upgrade, so my blog will be more accessible to me, rather more convenient as I've been blogging from my phone for the past little while. In any event, I think this was one of the reasons that today was a good day.

That and the fact that it was just a generally happy day sort of atmosphere. Everything that could go right went right... except for waiting at home for 9 hours for Purolator to come, they give HUGE time frames for people to wait for. Anyways, food always makes the day better and well I just wanted to tell you all that my general mood went way up today. Well relatively way up... So I'll be blogging more often from now on.. =)

I'm on a Bus

Sitting on a bus going places gives you a lot of time to think. I don't really know why a lot of things happen the way they do. I look at all aspects of things and over analyze everything, sometimes its good. Sometimes its bad. In every situation however regardless of how much I analyze one of two things happens. 1 - I do something totally irrational and then the situation blows up in my face. Or 2 - I do nothing and because I'm afraid to take the risks associated with any course of action so I take none and nothing happens positive in my favour.

Is this good? I'm not sure. My life isn't in a horrible position right now but it's not where I expected to be 5 or 10 years ago. I guess what matters the most is what I do with the next little phase of my life. Will I make choices that are positive? In terms of education, careers, or relationships. Your guess is as good as mine as to where I'll be in regards to all these categories of life. I hope as the new year draws nearer the new beginning that it brings will also bring positive changes in all these aspects of my life. I guess thats what it is. Like a long bus ride, we get off where we want and what we do after that is upto us. All life does is take us where we need to be and it's upto us to make the most of it. Here's to next year and positive changes. Wish me luck.

You

You, Yes, you. I am writing this for you.

I know you are reading this, and I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it's not. I am writing this for you.

I want you to know, life... it's hard. Everyday can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile, but I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing. You really are.

You should be happy. You are gorgeous.

I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what? At least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun's warm rays on your face. Or that cold wind that bites at your cheeks. You know what that means?

You're alive and everything will be Okay.

New Jobs

Well everyone, I just started today at a new job working in retail sales. Not exactly what I thought it'd be but then again I did kind of expect it and sign up for it. Maybe I just need to actually get into the swing of it before I'll like it. The atmosphere and environment seem stressful but I guess that's the risk you run when you get into a job like that. Very numbers oriented. I'm not really much of a numbers kinda guy. I like working with them but I don't like being forced to attain some sort of number as a goal and stuff... I guess that's why I'm not very motivated in school. Or I just never really knew what I was doing in school, of which my perspective has changed a bit.
So in starting my new job, as always with any job you need to go through training. I'll be going through another 6 or so training sessions and I need to get comfortable talking to strangers and initiating conversation with them again. Fun stuff. It's like being in California again, just with a different end goal. Lets see how it'll work this time. I don't think I'm cut out for talking to strangers and stuff. But then again, I did it before I don't see why I can't do it again. I just need to build up my own client base and then sell sell sell. I should take tips from random movies like "the goods" and stuff. Anyways, here's to a new job and a new list of skills I can add to my ever so diminutive resume.

Self Healing

So despite all the random happenings in my life sometimes all it takes to make things better is just spending some time alone. For me, i think there are two things that I know will help. The first being a hug from a good friend. The second just trying something new, while listening to my fav tunes. There is a lot of healing power in music. My personal favourite way to sort go through self healing.
I don't know what it is about music, but it's incredibly powerful in evoking emotions in people sometimes whether you want it or not. I think as an individual I've realized more often than not I'm happier than I appear. I need to stop being a drama queen and just let the people around me know that I really am happy with my life inspite of some of the little things that may not be perfect or the way I want it, that's kinda how life is... Things don't turn out the way you want, but just gotta deal with it. Dreams are called dreams for a reason. If they came true it'd be reality and you wouldn't have dreams. That's another blog. Anyways thanks to my friends for the support. Love you all.

Issues

It's normal in every person's life to go through challenges, emotional, physical, social, spiritual, or other. I guess this is the time in my life which will be my refiners fire for now. I'm not really sure the frequency of my blogging, but then again I have never really been too frequent with my blogs. I'm just going through some things, of all aspects of my life and I guess I'm just here to say that those expecting more frequent blogs or who are following my random writings, may be in for a bit of a wait. Or maybe not, I think blogging to me is very therapeutic. It's an outlet for me to release some steam or some of the stresses, physical or otherwise from my life and just to be able to sit here and reflect on what's going good in my life and what's going bad. Right now it seems like a lot more bad than good. But, when the world is crashing down on you it always seems that way. Not much you can do about that. I thought I needed someone to talk to but I don't think I do... I know what I need to hear. I'm actually telling myself those exact things. I'm assuming the rest of the population is in a similar boat but we all know what we need to hear when we're going through things. We all know what we need to do to overcome them. Just we don't like to face the realities of things and we try to avoid confrontation. As human individuals we really don't like drama or confrontation. When we lack the proper outlet to release these emotions, these bottled up emotions (emotions are highly volatile, and should be handled with caution), can explode in various forms leading to arguments, broken hearts, physical violence, or worse. 

I've been trying to distract myself with various things but I know that's not the answer. I've tried to fill my life with material goods, but that also has been in vain and has caused me some financial burden. I know these things don't work necessarily and are only a short term fix. But we don't like to do what's hardest to do but we know is a sure resolution for things. We'd like to think we are responsible but for the most part we are irresponsible in the ways we treat what we have stewardship over. Even ourselves. Now I'm not saying all of humanity is screwed in this aspect but for a majority of the population it's true. Or so I'd like to believe, it's more reassuring to know I'm not the only screwed up one in the world (I know that's an exaggeration).

I just need some company right now. Someone to just sit there with me and not say a word but just be there. Not any words of consolation, not any form of distraction but just someone to be there. And maybe a hug, those are always nice. Something about a heartfelt hug that is indescribable in it's healing capabilities. So if anyone out there would like to really find me, to be there for me.. call me. I'll be around trying to do some personal conflict resolution, trying to face up to the things I need to do. Then not run away from it, and just face it and do it. 

Realizations

I've come to realize a few things over the past few months I've been back home, after my whirlwind adventure in California. They're not really ground breaking or anything, as most of my ideas are. That's why I'd say they're more realizations than anything else. The realization of something that's already there but for some reason or another it's been invisible to your senses for the past however long. 

There is something to be said about the idea of "The law of Attraction". If you don't know what it is, well the short version of it is basically. If you desire something enough, it'll happen. Positive thinking breeds positive actions, breeds positive results. Negative actions... etc you get the point. If you really want to hear more about it and have lots of time to waste, read this book called "The secret". I don't recommend it as it seems to be a over inflated self help book. But they also came out with a movie, of that same book. I tried to read it and then I tried to watch it... Key word being tried. Needless to say, I've realized that the law of attraction is not entirely true but not entirely false. I've had a negative attitude for the first little while I was back, but now that my outlook is starting to change, things have been going well for me. I found a job, I enrolled in school... and the weather is sunny again. I missed the sun. Some may say it's a coincidence. That very well may be true, but at the same time you can never really say because there are often too many coincidences in life as it is for things not to have played out a certain way to benefit us. <<-- That is a whole other bag of marbles... (MIB reference, do we live in a massively tiny marble with infinitely small universes inside?)

I guess the second thing is that if you want something you gotta work to make it happen, but at the same time regardless of how hard you work at something. It might not happen. *it's like I covered all the bases* So why is this a realization? Well I guess it's just a motivating factor for people not to waste their lives doing nothing. The concept of work has always generated prosperity of some sort. Whether it be intrinsic satisfaction or whether it be emotional growth, the materialistic desires that a person may have or some other value of worth. The tricky thing is that you don't always get to choose which of these values you will gain as you work for something. You can have an idea of how you will grow or how you will get gain, but you won't know for sure unless you actually try to work towards that goal. Only after you accomplish the work will the goal come. Sometimes it'll come quickly, sometimes it'll be slow... no one really knows. It helps to develop patience, as I've mentioned before the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Something else that I've realized is that love really does make the world go round. I'm not just speaking of the emotional love either. I'm using the broadest sense of the term Love which encompasses, love for pets, love for hobbies, love for work, love for inanimate objects or anything else someone may "love". Love is so strong because it drives and motivates our desires and our desires motivate our actions. That's why it can be so scary to some, and so desired by others. Scary because it can change someone to be someone they're not, it can also causes people to do irrational things and things like it. It's often when you develop your love that it becomes a part of your life so immense and encompassing that you can only wonder where did such a powerful emotion come from? 

I'm sort of a random person and my thoughts aren't always orderly. But those of you following this by now will know this of me. But variety is the spice of life *super cliché*. Most of the time people do things they regret because they don't want to settle into a rut, or because they've already settled into it. Mix it up a bit. Not saying you need to go change every aspect of your life daily but just find something new or a new perspective on something. I guess that's why I'm so random, it drives people crazy at times but for me it keeps me sane. 

*side note: It's funny how my blog is called Daily Dreamer Travels and I haven't traveled yet... maybe I've talked about this before but my desires are to travel the world one day... one day*

The best kind of relationship is when they're not only your lover, but your best friend too.

One hopes that one day you can find someone you like, hoping that one day that like turns into love. You always hear that people want to find someone they’re compatible with and they can tell everything to, do everything with, and just plain be yourself without having to worry about what they think. In many aspects, your best friend is exactly that kind of person, a person who accepts you for who you are and loves you for it.

So why would the best kind of relationship be with someone who you not only love but consider a best friend? I guess it begins with why we even date in the first place. At least for me and many others I know, we date to find someone we can spend time with, who we have a romantic attraction to, and to develop something that can survive through thick and thin. Ultimately one day, most of us hope to find someone we can marry, and spend the rest of our lives with. We look around and hoping that we find someone with all the character traits of what we want in a relationship partner but deep down inside we want someone we can be completely open with, who will take our jokes, criticisms, imperfections and subtle nuances that make us who we are and just be happy with. 

Best friends sort of are these people. They understand us, sometimes more than we understand ourselves. We trust them, we love them, and we’d be willing to do almost anything for them and they for us. A lot of the qualities that a best friend possesses are these very same qualities that people look for in a relationship. Someone we can trust. Someone whom we love. Someone who we’d be willing to do anything for and they for us, because we love them. There are many other intangibles as to why we choose who we choose in relationships, although it’s debatable that we even choose our relationships as sometimes we can’t really control who we love, it just happens. For good or for bad, we fall in love and what we do after that depends on us (whole other topic). 

You always hear about people who are in relationships out of comfort. Yes I believe relationships should be comfortable, but at the same time they should be fun, exciting and that feeling that you first had when you first started to know them should be there. I think that the Honeymoon phase shouldn’t go away. Love is meant to be exciting, why else would our hearts skip a beat when we’re around those we love. Whenever I’m with my best friends, I have that same sort of excitement. One day I just hope that I can be in a relationship with someone who I love and consider a best friend. Not only for the reasons I’ve mentioned but for all the intangibles and reasons I can’t really explain because that’s how love is. 

Unfortunate?

Sometimes I think I just come into the most unfortunate situations... well not really sure if that's the best word to describe it. Usually however, I find a way to overcome these situations... at least I try. I wonder what makes me drawn towards these? Or these unfortunate situations drawn towards me? Either way me and unfortunate situations seem to be best friends. What am I to do? Not that this troubles me too much, rather it's become a part of my life it seems. Just sort of going down this road of life, hand in hand with my bad luck if you will. I think life seems to be more interesting this way... but at the same time one tends to want things to be... less exciting at times... But I guess where I'm at in life.. It doesn't seem like it'll happen... 3am.. I need to sleep.. blog tomorrow I guess...

I guess it's not easy

I've always thought sharing secrets of mine was easy... I've done it so easily in the past.. But I guess my secrets in the past haven't really been too big or anything of any significance... But its different now... I guess it's not that easy... But I will tell them just give me some time to sort things through

Insomnia

I've had insomnia before.. well a mild form of it and it really can shut a person down for the rest of the next day. Sleep is super important but sometimes for one reason or another we are unable to do so. Tests, projects, assignments are a big thing when you're younger for why we don't sleep. As we get older these change to projects, deadlines, and financial issues. The stresses of life are always all around us, and whatever age we're at one thing that can cause lack of sleep in people of all ages is that of emotional stresses. But the question is how we can cure it. Sometimes I don't think there is a cure per say but a way to temporarily suppress whatever anxieties or stresses our body has that causes this insomnia. I think the only way to truly rid yourself of insomnia is to open up to the subconscious or even conscious problems that we all know that we have, usually we say we don't know because we're in denial. While we do this, we give ourselves the chance to become vulnerable and deep down we're afraid of exposing ourselves to this vulnerable side for fear of being hurt. Sometimes however in order to solve a problem we need to face our fears and confront our problems. Does it always produce good results? No, but can we solve our insomnia? That I don't think so either. I'm really not a doctor just some guy sitting at a keyboard trying to figure out all of life's intricacies while getting through this existence myself. Do I have insomnia? I'd say no, but sleeping at erratic times and napping here and there when I can I guess has thrown my sleep cycles off. But I feel rested for the most part and do what I can to enjoy my time awake, for one day we shall return to the dust from whence we came. I want to use my time to the fullest to enjoy every little bit of life. Even if it means fighting off a bout of insomnia here or there. ^-^

Wow.. I feel stupid

So I just spent the last two hours trying to add this music widget to this blog.. looking high and low trying to edit this and that.. failure after failure.. wasting two hours about to give up after using google and then... I turn to youtube.. and sure enough. I find a video.. that showed me all I needed to do was like 2 simple steps that I could have done earlier if I had looked just a little harder... FML. Hope you enjoy the music though

Clouds

I've decided to start putting up some poems, nothing spectacular just things I'm gonna write on the fly. So my first poem as you may have guessed will be about clouds!

                                    Floating freely in the sky                        puffy white or shades of grey
                           Soaring high above the world below, I watch and wonder where you will go today
                     Will you fly across this land? What will you see when you go where you're going? Can I see?
                 The world looks different from way up there, a view of things that I can only get but once in a while
                      Are you sad when it rains? Does it hurt when the fight of lightning explodes from within you?
                         So carefree it seems your life would be, always dancing and flowing around the sky 
                               If but only if...         I could see or even be             a cloud just like you

Surprise! Two posts today...

I doubt I have many followers, but for those of you who do follow this blog. I'm on again by... well not really popular demand but just because I feel like sharing my randomness with you all right now.

So I've been waiting for a call back from a company that I applied for a job at. I was all excited thinking the interview went well... and I still do think that. But they haven't called me back, so as the wait continues to grow longer, So does my hope grow smaller. As I've been waiting I've come to realize a few things about waiting. Well not really realize but I guess re-discover, these aren't really revolutionary theories I'm spouting out but things that have been shadowed by no one really caring about it. I've narrowed it down to a few key points.

The FIRST:
     Waiting makes everything in life more worth it when it comes.

We've all had experiences with Christmas, or for those of other faiths. Hanukkah (that looks weird), Kwanzaa or whatever religious or non religious holiday you choose to celebrate in December. As far as I know, all these holidays people give and receive gifts. What are some of the best memories of these holiday? Well I don't know about you but my best memories are waking up really early in the morning and opening gifts. What made these gifts so fun to open? The wait! Waiting gives us suspense, it makes us use our imagination and create scenarios to prepare ourselves for what may come. Then when it does come, and it is a favorable thing (I know there are circumstances where things don't come as we plan - I'm just discussing positive experience), then all the waiting we went through makes what we're waiting for that much better.

The SECOND:
       Waiting develops patience.

There's the old saying, patience is a virtue. Indeed it is, and especially in this society where everything is instant and at our finger tips all the time, the virtue of patience seems to be lost on an entire generation. We often get angry at fast food restaurants when we have to wait longer than 2 minutes. What has the world come to that we can't wait 2 minutes for our food? Lets assume that I have 5 minutes to procure food, what would happen if lets say it took 5 minutes. Generally speaking, there would be anger built up, frustration and in some instances yelling. Lets take that same scenario and say you get your food in an astonishing 1 minute. What would you do with those 4 minutes? We save those 4 minutes only to waste them somewhere else. Now you might say, well if we saved them here then we could use them productively somewhere else. Possibly, but how often do you find yourself having periods in your day when not much of anything is done? Whether it be due to lack of things to do, lack of ability to do what needs to be done for reasons beyond your control, or just a general lack of motivation to do things due to the humongous mountain of small tasks that need to be completed for the day. In a society where everything is so fast, we need to slow down our tempers and give room for some patience to grow and to refine our souls. In the end, whether or not you got that burger in 2 minutes or less, won't really matter and more often than not, you'll have forgotten by the time you've consumed the food. But by exercising a little patience, we can make someone's day by not being a jerk about it.
Which brings us to my next point

The THIRD:
     When life goes by too fast we loose sight of the beauty that surrounds us.

We have access to everything and whenever we see something that we want, we do all that we can to get it as fast as we can. In the process we lose sight of the little things that make up that make life beautiful. We drive every where we go and lose our temper when traffic isn't going as we would like (I am guilty of this myself). But there have been times when I've been speeding my way to wherever I go (not actually flying past speed limit - =p) but going along then I catch a glimpse of nature in it's wonder and then for that moment, the world seems to wash away leaving me to marvel in the beauty that I've seen. There are so many little things that make life more interesting all around us but we're so focused on being entertained for the here and now and doing what we want when we want it that we blind ourselves to these awe inspiring moments. I wonder what life would be like, if we port our entire civilization 6000 years in the past with no modern anything. Some of us, would do well in coping without. But I'm guessing a vast majority of our developed nations wouldn't know what to do with themselves. I just ask that everyday you take a moment or two to stop, look around at your surroundings and try to find something beautiful and appreciate the fact that it's there.

I know in an age where we can tweet, blog, tumble, flicker, and update statuses in the blink of an eye; we also miss out on the interactions and emotions that make us special, patience, charity, service, and love as we seek to do everything all at once. Waiting can really make the difference between bad timing and perfect timing. So here I am, in front of my techno box, waiting albeit not passively, for something that I hope will be worth my wait. Something so beautiful, so wonderful, that I can't wait when it comes. Hopefully it'll be sooner than later. I can't stand the wait... haha =)

Dying

Here's something I came across on the internet this morning and I just had something to say about it.

Sometimes in life we pass over opportunities because we're so focused on what's in front of us that we don't really see the great things that are all around us, sometimes even right beside us. Life is all about living, how we choose to live each day is the measure of our character. I think I've been thinking about how I'm living my life these days, and what I've realized is that I still have a lot I want to accomplish. A lot I want to live, but more importantly are the people I want to be a part of this life I choose to live. Just remember to live everyday without regret, doing what you're passionate about and loving what you do.

Is it worth it?

Sometimes there are times when you're faced with a choice. On the one hand you have something that you're comfortable with but isn't really helping you grow. Then you have the second option, something new but filled with risks and challenges.
With the first choice the growth and payoffs aren't superb, but its safe and reliable.
The second choice is pretty much a gamble of sorts, looks bad at times leaving the comfort of something you know and trust, but the rewards are so great it becomes a question of "is the sacrifice worth the payoff?"
Most of the time we would stay with what we know and what's comfortable. Would you agree? Why risk something thats already good?
Well it happens more than we realize in our daily lives. Education is one of the best examples, of course there is a huge sacrifice for education, we give up comforts of the day to day, sleep, social life, our time. For the chance to gain greater rewards of better jobs in the future. With an education are we guaranteed a better job? No, but we are given the chance for something much better.
You might think, thats a bad example. I agree to some extent, but my point is that sometimes we need to evaluate the two options and ask... "is it worth it?"
Quitting a stable job for something with better pay and benefits is also something very risky. Why? You have no idea how long the company may want you. But people do it all the time.

What it comes down to is usually one of a few things. Does it make me happier? Are the gains greater than the losses? What do my friends and family think of it? Where do I see myself in the future in terms of the choice? But most important, at least to me, is what does my heart feel? More often than not our feelings are more than just an impulsive reaction but they usually lead us to greater growth and ultimately happiness. Will we face sadness from the choice? Sometimes. But in the end, things always work out for the better after making such choices. So when faced with a crossroads in the future, just think of me(shameless self plug) and ask yourself. Is it worth it?

Saturday Night at Home Alone

It's a Saturday night and most of the world is out partying it up with those friends and random people they've met somewhere or another, but here I am alone at home. I'm actually enjoying my evening contrary to my usual sort of mood, where I sit in sadness of being alone. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy going out as much as the next person but I think these days I'm starting to understand the sorts of intrinsic happiness that comes from a greater self worth.

So I've decided to start a little thing called "Today's Adventure", it's more of a personal thing but you're all free to play this game in your own lives. So what it is, is just taking the everyday mundane and trying to find something unique or something different that you haven't noticed before and then either doing one of two things, taking a picture of it in a manner which makes it seem amazing OR making use of whatever it is in a way that you wouldn't normally use it. So today, I took a picture, and yesterday I did too.. I think personally it's just gonna be pictures for me... scratch the second option of the "Today's Adventure" game I think I'm just gonna take pictures of things that make me happy that day. So I went out with a friend today for lunch and had a great time, so I took a picture because her friendship made me happy. Yesterday I was driving around downtown at night and seeing the buildings and the architecture made me happy. That's pretty much what I've done. Maybe one day I'll create some sort of album of daily adventures but for now... They're just for me to see.

So in taking a few steps back looking at life I've decided that the next few years of my own life will be less than desirable but hopefully it'll make a difference 10 years down the line. That's when I foresee life being enjoyable again, in a general sense. I think the day to day is more than good enough for my liking, well... not more than good enough but it's satisfactory I guess. Today was really a good day in my opinion, not a great day... well sort of. Haven't really had too many depressing moments. I guess being a philosophical thinker tends to lead you down that path. Some of the greatest thinkers of all time were sort of crazy in their own way. But with that said, I'll try to lead my life away from the path down to insanity... ^.^

English Movies and Indie Flicks

Over the past little while I've had the opportunity to watch several films of various genres and among some of my most favourite recently have been the indie film variety. Oddly enough, as I've been watching these indie films and they have a remarkable similarity to some of the British movies I've been watching as well. Maybe I've been watching British indie films, I really don't know. In any case, I think British movies are the new indie film, at least for us over here in the American continent. There's something so wonderful about the movies I've been watching. They all have this attitude of I don't need to prove anything to anyone so we're gonna make a movie that you'll enjoy just as much as we enjoyed making it. They all also have this same indie film sort of mood to them, so having said that I think my new favourite genre is the British indie film genre, often overlooked but I just like the movies because they're just quality movies not muddled down by the billion dollar hollywood industry.
I think that's something I'm gonna apply more to my life, I'm gonna do things not to impress people but because I enjoy doing it. It's something I've done in the past but I guess I kind of forgot a little. So I guess it's a challenge to anyone who reads this blog, start doing things because you enjoy doing it, not out of habit or out of pressure. Try to find the little things in life that really make you happy and pursue them, you never know what sorts of surprises you might find in the adventure.

Last little quote from one of the characters in a movie I watched today,

Love is there if you want it to be, you just have to see that it's wrapped in beauty and hidden away

 between the seconds of your life. If you don't stop for a minute you might miss it" - Ben Willis

Nothing Lasts Forever

Watch "Maroon 5 Nothing Lasts Forever live" on YouTube

Wow I was randomly listening to songs at 4am and normally I don't pay attention to lyrics this late at night but the words just jumped out at me today.. And it really does describe the feelings I had as I went through my recent break up... The Maroon 5 section... Not so much the Kanye part but it was still pretty cool to listen to. I think as time goes on everything will work itself out. So I'm not too worried about little everyday bumps in the road. Just how things turned out, I ponder a lot what led to where I am... I still continue to do so... But I'm starting to see where I'm going a little more.

Much Ado About Nothing

So it feels like the days are being intertwined in a way that I can't really understand how it happened or what makes it so. Every day flows into the next, the weeks pass by quickly, the days are even faster, yet every hour seems slower and slower as the days go by. 

So I don't really know what I'm posting today, but I just had a feeling that I should post. I guess that's why it's much ado about nothing. Not much going on, nothing really surprising in my life. I do feel a lot more alone these days but I guess that's the lack of social interaction with people. Being at home everyday is really tough, I guess I really am what you would call a social creature. I really need to find some outlet to feed my social appetite, I think a lot of it comes down to are my friendships that I do have. Are they really what I had thought they were? Can I rely on them as friends? Or is it I the one that is untrustworthy? I think a lot of the time we point fingers at others but really the one that we should be pointing fingers at is ourselves. I think in my case, I feel it is from other people but I know really the heart of all the problems I face is from myself and no one else. What really needs to change isn't my relationships with my friends but rather my relationship with myself. So the question is where do I start fixing the problems I've created? I guess that's the biggest question. ... where do I go from here... 

Birthday awesomeness

T: So Joy how old are you now?
J: 25.. I was born in 1987
T:??? So 24?
J: no.. Because my birthday is in December so 25...

Sunday Evening.... well Halloween Day I guess

So it's about 1am right now. Not really sure why I'm still up, I should be sleeping but sort of anxious right now. Anxious for what you might ask? I really don't know but I have a sense of there's something that's gonna happen in my life and it's not necessarily for the better, nor for the worse. It's just an impending sense of something. I also have had some random daydreams consisting of me either being hit by cars, or me getting cancer. I think all these movies I've been watching are getting to me... Since I don't really believe in premonitions in the typical sense of them I think they're just things to keep my mind alert and ready for the future.

So Halloween Day I guess it would be right now, since I don't really have many plans and most of my friends are busy with this or that I guess I'll sit on my roof throwing candy at kids from above. I think that sounds like a fairly good plan... Maybe I'll buy/make a costume of something scary and do it from my roof. OOoooOOOooooOOOO!!!! not very scary looking is it... hmmm... I don't think I'd be scary anyways, if anything I might be a hazard to myself and I'll end up falling off the roof... not that I have yet but you never can be too sure.

I do however feel in good health so things are looking up in that regard. I feel like I do have more energy than before, I just need to find an outlet for all this energy that I do have and productive ways I can accomplish the things I want to in life. Tomorrow's Monday, so I guess it's a running day... maybe I should try to work a little harder at learning Chinese, then Korean and Japanese respectively. Happy Halloween Peoples, I'll probably be on later in the day during Halloween Proper...

One of those days

So today is definately one of those days where it started off well then just seemed to spiral down down down.. To where I am now. Emotions can definitely play a huge part of your day. As for me just some random events that caused me to feel as I feel right now. So woke up cheery and happy expecting all sorts of awesome today.. Had plans then.. Well it fell through.. Then I passed out from tiredness.. I don't even know why.. My body just gave up.. After that I woke up and then I lost my keys... Just one of those days. The ironic part of the day is that I didn't even go out today so I have no reason to misplace or lose the keys. Its so weird.
As a very social creature, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to happen to me recently. Maybe it will be for the best, I can't know until some time passes.
Super sore now... Tomorrow will be a better day.

Have I gone mad?

I don't know what it is, but emotional stress causes you to do some crazy things. Right now I'm in conflict with myself, however amid the conflict, there seems to be emerging a random thought or rather goal I would like to achieve. I've decided after a short jog to run a half marathon. It's kind of crazy and I don't know what prompted that thought or desire but it's something that will give me more focus and more purpose you can say. I've got about a year to train... I should be okay by then. At the same time maybe, a year from now I might be in shape enough to run the full marathon. So it's something that I know will be really hard, but I think if I stay focused and work hard it shouldn't too bad. I hope... I don't know, I guess you can say I've gone mad. Like all the craziness going on in my life prompting me to run 13 miles? Or 26 miles? That's like super far! I don't know... is it a good idea or have I lost my mind? I just need to get my running times up to about 10 minute miles. Right now I'm running about 8-9 minutes a mile but I'm running at a pace where I know I wouldn't be able to make 13 miles. And running at this pace I can only get about 2-3 miles of running in. So every week I'll update my fitness and training status and how I feel about my running that week. I guess every Friday seems to be a good day to do it. So if anyone's following, Friday will be my weekly running update. Have I gone mad? I'm not sure but I do know I won't give up on this one.

The nice guy

Some how I always get categorized in the nice guy group. You know the group where girls just see us as really good friends but never anything more. I wonder why that is. Being a nice guy usually ends up in not getting the girl. Oh well I guess thats my life.

Is it gonna happen?

I sometimes wonder if it will happen but I don't want to be who I've always been. The guy with the great ideas with no action... I think its gonna happen because I believe it will

Backing out

Sometimes we say we'll do something but our resolve isn't strong enough. Yesterday was one of those such days. I ended up not doing what I had anticipated and prepared myself to do but at the same time I guess the feeling wasn't right. Maybe that was my fear talking but either way it was something that didn't happen, so I told myself as well as a friend of mine that I would do it today. No more backing out I suppose. Travelling down this road we call life, there will be times when we are faced with a decision and we are afraid to step forward into the darkness but maybe when we do we'll find that we can grow as we take that leap of faith and  hope for the best. Well here's to hoping.

Decision day

So I guess every so often we need to make decisions that could effect the future of our lives. I guess today might be one such day, in a sense. So over the last little while I've had this girl that I liked on and off for years on my mind. I've always been too afraid to act, too afraid to do anything, but recently I've built up a bit more courage in such matters and I figure what's the worst that can happen with her. She rejects me and we go back to being friends. At least I'll know where I stand with her and if I even have a chance. If I don't then I move on and then I don't need to worry too much about it. So I guess you can say today would be a short term turning point of a decision day. I don't know why I chose today but I guess it's because I don't want to wait anymore. Impatience at it's finest, is it the right time? I don't know, I'm always terrible with timing. Things never seem to work out in my favour, but I will do what I choose to do and then take the consequences as they come. Whether they be good or bad, it is not up to me. All I can do at this juncture in time is to let her know how I feel and then see how she reacts.

One reading this might think, why so rash in your decision? I've been thinking about this for a while now and I just feel there is a lot of chemistry, but at the same time I feel there are a lot of uncertain things about this girl. Specifically how she feels towards me. I really have no clue and it's like jumping off a cliff. Once you take the first step there is no turning back. Right now I'm sitting on the theoretical edge of the cliff, gonna take the plunge into the darkness not knowing if there are jagged rocks below or if there is a pristine pool that awaits me below. I know what I want now... but does what I want, want me back? We'll see people... we'll see.

Doing it for me?

So I've been looking back at my accomplishments in life thus far, and I've noticed one commonality among everything I've ever done. It's never been about what I wanted for me, but what I wanted for the sake of someone else. Anytime I've ever been inspired to do anything or try to work towards a certain goal, it's never been for the sake of me rather it's been because I had a desire to improve myself for someone else. For example, I learned to speak Cantonese and Mandarin (although not 100% fluent still) not for my sake but for the sake of a girl I liked back in high school. Is this a bad reason? Maybe, but the end result was I didn't get the girl but I learned and improved on a few other languages for the sake of someone I liked.

Then it led me to think, why do I do things? Do I ever really do it for me or do I do it because of the person I like at the time, which seems like it differs from season to season in my life. Although recently however I've noticed that I've liked this one girl for a while now, on and off in the past but it seems like the on and off business of the past has left and now it's more certain.. at least certain until she says I have no chance with her. Luckily that hasn't happened yet, therefore I will continue to have hope. In any event, my life choices and my successes do seem to be based on the relationships in my life. When things are going good in my relationship life, I seem to be more successful in life. When I've had tough times in life it's also because I've had failed relationships or none at all. Right now I'm not sure why my mind is so focused on finding that person for me. I think it's because the plans from my youth have pretty much gone down the crapper and I'm just afraid of what will happen now. Now one might wonder do I still do things for other people? Of course I do, but is it bad? I'm not too sure it is. If it improves the quality of your life and the life of those around you then it doesn't really matter for what reason you do things, does it?

I guess whatever your spin on this all reasons at heart are selfish. Aren't they?

Lazy Saturday Afternoon

Today really does seem like one of those lazy sort of Saturday afternoons. I started the day off energetic and awake, waking up at about 6am to play some soccer. The rest of the day pretty much went by like a lazy Saturday afternoon. I think the most beautiful thing about a lazy Saturday afternoon is that whatever you do, it'll be a productive one.

(I sort of imagine my room to be like this on a lazy Saturday afternoon)

I took a nap, naps are always productive because they help you re-energize and get your mind focused for the rest of the day. Assuming one has plans that is. But I didn't really choose to take a nap, it was more along the lines of my body just started telling me I needed some rest. And then moments later, although fighting it. I passed out on my bed. Luckily I was in my bed. Maybe it was because I was in my bed that I ended up taking that nap. Regardless of why it went down, I do feel a bit better after my nap. I say a bit because I woke up groggy and just sort of... this day was a bust sort of day. Well the day is not yet done. I have 7 hours to make something of my night. I think I might do some Chinese language study. I've been meaning to do more than the little bit I do everyday. I don't feel like I've made progression. Then again it is Saturday night. Shouldn't it be more fun than studying? Ideally yes, because I'm not in school as of this moment. But I also should note that I will be going back to school in a few months so I should get myself back into that mindset that I need to study. The problem with that is that I've never had this mindset before. EVER. I don't know why it is... do I?
Another thing I just realized is that this blog is titled "Daily Dreamer Travels". I have yet to blog about anything dream related or travel related. So it's sort of a lying sort of blog title. I should change it to the "everyday mundane blog". I still doubt many would read about it. How do blogs catch on? I really don't know. I suppose it takes something interesting to blog about. Right now I can't say I have anything interesting going on. Aside from my random personal life overly exaggerated love live, which currently one might say there is a complete lack of one. Hence my Lazy Saturday Afternoon. Can it be that hard for a person such as I to get a girlfriend? Maybe. Should it be this hard? Probably not (not that I'm boasting about myself). I do think however that there is much to be said about being single. I can't say I really enjoy it myself. I think I yearn for the companionship of another person. I think in the end isn't that what everyone really wants in life? To love and to be loved? Anyone who says they don't, in my opinion is a total and complete liar. I think however the key to all of this is first loving yourself. I think people can see the confidence a person has. The lower the confidence the lower the desire of the opposite sex to want to be around you. Along with this is a person's potential in life. No one really wants to marry a deadbeat... well I can't say no one because there are some people out there but I'm not really talking about those with mental issues or disorders. I'm talking about the general population of people... I guess on a Lazy Saturday Afternoon sort of day, my mind wanders into these sorts of things reflecting on how it is that I.. myself can improve. I guess one might say I dream of finding that person who would want to be with me, who will love me and who I can love equally in return. Maybe I've found that person already... at least the one that is currently catching my attention. She makes me feel so happy when I'm around her, and she really does inspire me to become better. Even if things don't work out between me and her, I think we'll still be friends because we're just those kinds of people. Will anything happen soon? I don't know... maybe. I want it to happen, but it won't happen today because today is my Lazy Saturday Afternoon. Maybe next week... =)

(Sad reality is my room looks more like this... not my room by the way)

Mornings

I don't know about you, but it seems my generation has a really big problem with the mornings. There seems to be a vast majority of people who don't enjoy the mornings, however we do get up because that's what life requires of us to do. Now it's not so much that we don't enjoy activities in the mornings but it seems that there is a trend among 20 something year old people in which we spend all of the waking hours of the night doing things that are often unimportant or menial in a way to add more productivity into our lives squeezing in every ounce of activity we can into the day. Then we wake up in the morning and feel like we have no energy to do anything. I think the solution to all this is exactly the same reason why we have day light savings time. We should be following the lead of farmers and making the most of the daylight hours that we do have. But have we become a society that enjoys the comforts of the indoors and well won't exactly be looking to do much outside? Possibly, at least as a city boy as some might call me.

I think it's interesting to note that the most fun activities people talk about doing are more often than not going outside and doing something. But what do we end up doing most of the time to pass the day? Spending all day in front of some sort of screen, be it computer, television, or even the ever so addictive smart phone that lets us keep connected 24/7. I'm not saying I don't enjoy technology, don't get me wrong I do, but I think there needs to be some sort of limit to how much we log, blog or tweet. (Anyone else see the irony of this post?) Tangent much?

So I think I'm gonna make it a personal goal to go out and try to make the most of my mornings and enjoy every day to the fullest extent that I can and stop living in my fears. Just going out and making something of the day that I've been given.

The SUSPENSE is killing me!

So one thing I hate about life is how much your mind and emotions can cause so much suspense. I think suspense is nature's way of causing unnecessary heart attacks. Case in point, have you ever watched those suspense horror movies? When you're left on the edge of your seat and you think all is well then BAM!!! You get the crap scared out of you because of some random thing that pops out of no where... It's not necessarily the random thing that explodes your heart but the suspense that was built up leading up to it. Why all the suspense talk? 

In every day life there are moments when suspense just becomes so overwhelming it's almost physical. I suppose it isn't necessarily an everyday occurrence but lately it's been happening to me a lot more than I would like. Suffice it to say, my suspense filled days are not yet at an end. I guess you can say life will never be without some level of suspense, it just depends on how you react and deal with the suspense. For example, you may be waiting on someone to come to meet you at some rendezvous point and they're running late. Normally you wouldn't consider this an occasion of suspense, but if you break down the general feelings of suspense and the feelings of just waiting for someone, they're pretty much the same. At least in my mind. Waiting on someone is just a mild form of suspense, will they come soon? The anticipation of seeing someone you are expecting should be a suspenseful sort of event, not in the scare yourself and defecate the premises sort of way, but in an exciting looking forward to suspense. Sometimes you're waiting to tell someone something and you're just anxious to tell them, or you're scared of the response. That's the sort of suspense I've been feeling a lot lately, for various things and for various people. Suspense it seems in my mind, is somewhat related to anxiety. Which I don't think I have but I might? When will this entry end? Where is he going with this?

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Not very suspenseful when you read it. I think I've over used the word suspense today, it's starting to seem rather odd now to look at. I guess that's what it boils down to, waiting so long till you can't stand the suspense and then just doing whatever you can to resolve it. What do you think?

This is where I start my Journey

So I've done this several times but I think this time it's gonna last. The beginning of some changes in my life where I can look and see how far I've come or the progress I've made. How much I'll do I guess will change day to day, but for now I guess this is where I'm going to start.