Expectations

I often think that the world might be simpler without expectations. Then there are times I am reminded how important they are. Originally I had in my mind that I would write about the negative aspects of having expectations but as I actually began this post, it became very apparent that without expectations, well there wouldn't be progress or improvement.

I guess before I go into the meat of everything that I've been thinking over the past 5 minutes or so, I'll quickly summarize my original point of writing this blog, that being the negative side of having expectations. The reason I thought of this was because there have been many times in my life, where I've had expectations of some form or another, that have caused me to experience a range of emotions from mildly disappointed, to being heartbroken due to my expectations. Usually when an expectation is left unfulfilled there are negative feelings in relation to that which was expected - pretty obvious right? Many of my observations are as such.

Thus far, I am making the assumption you are in agreement with what I've stated thus far. I do admit there may be more negative things to discuss about the topic of 'Expectations' however I feel like I want to share more positive things on this topic. I definitely won't cover every aspect the positive benefits of having expectations nor do I plan to, but I will share what I feel to be relevant to me at the time, as I always do on this blog.

There are of course expectations that are realistic and understandable expectations. Some being that most adults should be able to support themselves. I not saying that people with struggles should just suck it up and get through it. No, I think that being able to support yourself means doing all that you can to progress and move forward, but also having the understanding and humility to seek help when you need it.

I actually don't remember what I had planned originally when I started this blog post so I'll leave it at that for now... maybe one day I'll figure out what I had intended but.. alas today is not the day

How not to go about finding the one... Or finding A one.

I'll preface what I say with this quote from President Ezra Taft Benson:

“Now, brethren, do not expect perfection in your choice of a mate. Do not be so particular that you overlook her most important qualities of having a strong testimony, living the principles of the gospel, loving home, wanting to be a mother in Zion, and supporting you in your priesthood responsibilities.

“Of course, she should be attractive to you, but do not just date one girl after another for the sole pleasure of dating without seeking the Lord’s confirmation in your choice of your eternal companion.

“And one good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1988, 59; or Ensign, May 1988, 53).

As YSA sometimes we focus too much on trying to find that Disney ideal of prince charming or finding your princess on the first date. There are many people I've gone on dates with that have many qualities that are important to me and for one reason or another I haven't been able to commit to anything beyond a first or second date. I realized why this has been a case because of some experiences I've had lately. 

The first reason why I haven't been able to connect or commit to anyone I've dated in the past while has been because I was always expecting some perfect situation where there would be sparks and things would just fit. This unrealistic standard was unfair to many of the people I went on dates with. While I had fun on each of my dates and there was definitely room for the relationship to grow. My unwillingness to recognize the potential for a great relationship in them was a huge stumbling block for me.

The second reason why is because I had a positive view of my own self-worth (pride). I will always be the last to admit it, even if I am very aware of it, but I am often very prideful. What I mean is that I often feel that because I have such great qualities I think that any girl would want to date me (at least that's what happens in my head). This way of thinking is unhealthy to me and those I date because I evaluate them on a scale based on how I see myself, to see if they measure up to what my "standard" is. In retrospect I believe that many of those whom I terminated relationships with are much better than I am. To avoid being overly self deprecating I'll leave it at that.

The third reason why I haven't been able to connect with anyone is because I didn't allow myself to be vulnerable. I was always closed off and kept myself in a safe secure place emotionally. While you might not think this is bad, to protect yourself from harm and being hurt emotionally. This type of behavior doesn't allow anyone to enter emotionally either. I equate this to being in a castle with friendly visitors wanting to enter but not letting down the draw bridge. I know the reference is antiquated, much like a draw bridge requires work done to open it, for a budding relationship work too must be done for it to grow into something deeper. When I did this, these girls I dated were literally at the door waiting for me to open up and let them in. My actions effectively closed the door to progress in a relationships before it had any chance.

There are a lot of other things that I have discovered about myself over the course of the past few years with regards to dating. One of take homes from my minimal life experience is to just take risks, put yourself out there and don't be afraid of rejection. I have been rejected more times by myself before I have even given others the chance to accept or reject me.

Is this a sure fire guide to relationship success of course not, I'm single. If it were then I wouldn't be single. I still have things to learn, but most importantly I will be moving forward with what I have experienced and putting myself out there. Wish me luck guys. 

That moment when you realize you're in love

Over the past few weeks I realized I fell really hard for a friend of mine. As I saw her off at the airport a few days ago, my heart sank more than I ever thought possible. I know she didn't reject me and I didn't really let her know my feelings but I felt the most heartache I've felt in my life. For the past 2 days since she left she's been on my mind constantly in everything that I do. In thinking about the whole situation it made me realize that I am indeed in love.

What makes people fall in love? I have often pondered on this question, especially in the past 3 years when I myself have been on a constant search for love. Is there a trigger? Is it timing or luck? Or is there something deeper behind the concept of love. This is a topic I have written about many many times in this blog and on other blogs I manage, but it is something that I don't understand. The love I am talking about isn't that of familial love, or the love that comes between friends that forms a friendship. I'm referring to the passionate romantic love that helps two individuals join in purpose and desires

I'm not really sure what I want to share about this other than the fact that I'm in love and it's sort of painful but liberating at the same time.... I'll share more of my thoughts on this and update you on the status of my love life, if you should so care to read about it in a future post.

What do you want to be?

I'm at a phase in my life where every day I am being asked this exact question. "What do you want to be?" Honestly, I don't know what I want to be. Ever since I was a child my dreams have always been so wide. Some kids dreamed of being pilots, firefighters, police officers, lawyers, doctors, engineers, etc. What did I dream of becoming? All of those. Every job I ever could imagine or think of I have wanted to be at some point or another. Sanitation engineer, postman, public transit bus operator, librarian, professional athlete (although admittedly most boys growing up wanted to be this), the list goes on. Why is this relevant to where I'm at now? Well even today I face the same dilemma, but with the impending responsibility of being an adult now looming over me, and that same question "What do you want to be?" bludgeoning me over the head repeatedly.

"What does this have to do with anything?" you may be asking yourself. Well the reason this is such an important thing to me and to millions of people around the world is as follows. Without a goal of where we want to be in life, then it really doesn't matter where we go. I'm reminded of the cat from Alice in Wonderland written by Lewis Carol when it converses with Alice.

She asks "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?", a similar question posed by many in their 20's and onward about life? Where do I go from here? What's the next stage of life?

The cat replies "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to", when we have a goal in life of what we want to accomplish, then knowing where to go becomes a lot easier. We have steps to take in order to get to the goal and when we take action in moving forward it guides our decisions and choices.

Alice tells the cat "I don't much care where". Sometimes we don't necessarily care what we do on the day to day and for many that is fine. They are still able to live very capable fulfilling lives. For me however, it's not so much I don't care, but I feel a sense of anxiety when trying to determine the perfect path for my life.

This is where this whole thing comes full circle to me, the cat responds to her statement with the following "Then it doesn't matter much which way you go"
Alice chimes in with "So long as I get somewhere"
The cat then says something profound, which can be applied to a life without goals or direction when he says "Oh, you're sure to do that, if you only walk long enough"

For most people their goals include health, happiness and prosperity in some way shape or form. Those who are driven to achieve this, attain these goals much faster than those who  have no goals or direction. The difference between the two is precisely the cat's sage advice which essentially that, in order to get to some point down the line, it will happen regardless of what we do. If we have no goals, we meander around going to and fro, and eventually we will get to where we will end up, but it takes longer, and often requires more effort to get there.I goalless life requires more work in finding where one needs to be in life.

Why bring this up or even share this? I'm not entirely sure. To me blogging has become some sort of stress relief. My life as I stand is much like Alice at the crossroads with the cat, asking me where do I want to go? Right now... I can say I don't know for sure, but I do know where I don't want to be, so for now I guess I'll take what I can get and press forward one day at a time, step by step, moment by moment till I make a choice. Ultimately what we do will be what we choose, I'll then be able to answer the whole question of "What do you want to be?".

Consistency is the Key to Success

Over the past few months I've been struggling with what I want to accomplish in life, how I want to go about doing it and have been facing some minor difficulties in moving on with my life. I don't think that this is a huge revelation to anyone, I believe the key to success isn't necessarily being great at one time, but being consistently good at whatever it is you desire to be successful at. Scores of individuals accomplish great feats at some point in their lives, and they achieve some level of success, but often fade shortly thereafter. The success I speak of is a long term, long lasting variety, in a manner in which individuals make an impact to the world. Okay, maybe not the world, but their direct community or area of influence. It may have been ambitious of me to try to post on a daily basis for a month, seeing as how I barely post every month. Part of my lack of consistency is a general lack of direction and desires - another post for another day.

There are many people who are seen as great in their respective fields, people like Michael Jordan, Picasso, William Shakespeare, or Steve Jobs, and the like (not a definitive or absolute list of great people - just the first names that came to mind). The reason they are considered great is not only because they mastered their art/trade/skill but because they were able to perform at a high level consistently. Think for a moment and try to think of 10 world record holders. I have probably seen a few here or there, and they often are in some sort of spot light when they accomplish a feat of greatness, but for the most part many are forgotten in whatever they do. The ones that are remembered are always the ones that are able to refine their skills to a point where they are able to consistently perform at a high level, and those are the ones that are able to achieve success and greatness. 

What I'm learning about myself is that I lack consistency, or rather once I do build up some steam or some level of consistency I tend to shy away from things and regress. Well I will have goals and aspirations but for now I will continue to try to be more consistent in my life and take things one step at a time. 

New Years - NEW BLOG... kinda

Well I decided to revive this blog as I've found a muse, rather I've rediscovered my muse for blogging. My has a lot of time passed since I last blogged here. I suppose now is as good of a time as any to reignite my passion for writing. I don't know how things sort of died off, a combination of summer, sadness, school and stuff (mostly laziness).

I kept saying to myself I'll blog again later, I'll blog again later and I never really did. I'm here to make good on this blog and keep it going.

So I just wanted to keep this entry short with a quick little story I came up with, just now.

Joyful and free spirited the lone wanderer travels.
Seeking for what the world has to offer,
Traveling across the land with no map in his hands.
Finding his place in the world,
Helping those along his way.
In all his adventures the thing he has found the most
Is his fondness and passion for those he loves.
Yet he continues to travel alone in this life,
Still searching the one whom he can end his travels with,
His other half who is out there somewhere,
The inspiration for his journey and goal of his quest,
For one day he will find her and he will no longer be alone
As he will have found his kindred spirit,
The one to make his joy truly full.

New starts galore!

Well, I've done this (starting over) many times and I never really feel overly motivated to do it regularly. For some reason this time I feel much more motivated than before, having said that here is the poem I promised for today. Don't expect much... I haven't done this in ages. But leave some feedback, I know there are things to work on with this poem, I sort of threw it together in 20 minutes. I didn't originally plan for it to have this form but it sort of grew this way. If you want to know more about why I wrote this or want to discuss with me about the poem. I'd be happy to share, just let me know. I will try to post a new poem each week, along with other musings in this blog. Maybe this blog, for now this is my medium of choice. Enjoy.

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Is Love Lost?

in this world of tumult and Pain,
Anger, Sorrow, Contention,
Sadness and Hurt beyond mention
will there ever be Love again?

fighting and violence throughout all the land
friends become enemies in heat of the battle
cannons explode causing houses to rattle.
can we not Love so grand?

blinded by Hate or by differing opinions
Aggression runs deep in the human condition
can there be Love, should we make it our mission?
following blindly, are we mere minions?

do we need to see another holocaust
before we realize the worth of a life.
is Compassion replaced with the wielding of a knife?
some might gain power, but at what cost?

Is Love Lost?

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