Sunday Evening.... well Halloween Day I guess

So it's about 1am right now. Not really sure why I'm still up, I should be sleeping but sort of anxious right now. Anxious for what you might ask? I really don't know but I have a sense of there's something that's gonna happen in my life and it's not necessarily for the better, nor for the worse. It's just an impending sense of something. I also have had some random daydreams consisting of me either being hit by cars, or me getting cancer. I think all these movies I've been watching are getting to me... Since I don't really believe in premonitions in the typical sense of them I think they're just things to keep my mind alert and ready for the future.

So Halloween Day I guess it would be right now, since I don't really have many plans and most of my friends are busy with this or that I guess I'll sit on my roof throwing candy at kids from above. I think that sounds like a fairly good plan... Maybe I'll buy/make a costume of something scary and do it from my roof. OOoooOOOooooOOOO!!!! not very scary looking is it... hmmm... I don't think I'd be scary anyways, if anything I might be a hazard to myself and I'll end up falling off the roof... not that I have yet but you never can be too sure.

I do however feel in good health so things are looking up in that regard. I feel like I do have more energy than before, I just need to find an outlet for all this energy that I do have and productive ways I can accomplish the things I want to in life. Tomorrow's Monday, so I guess it's a running day... maybe I should try to work a little harder at learning Chinese, then Korean and Japanese respectively. Happy Halloween Peoples, I'll probably be on later in the day during Halloween Proper...

One of those days

So today is definately one of those days where it started off well then just seemed to spiral down down down.. To where I am now. Emotions can definitely play a huge part of your day. As for me just some random events that caused me to feel as I feel right now. So woke up cheery and happy expecting all sorts of awesome today.. Had plans then.. Well it fell through.. Then I passed out from tiredness.. I don't even know why.. My body just gave up.. After that I woke up and then I lost my keys... Just one of those days. The ironic part of the day is that I didn't even go out today so I have no reason to misplace or lose the keys. Its so weird.
As a very social creature, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to happen to me recently. Maybe it will be for the best, I can't know until some time passes.
Super sore now... Tomorrow will be a better day.

Have I gone mad?

I don't know what it is, but emotional stress causes you to do some crazy things. Right now I'm in conflict with myself, however amid the conflict, there seems to be emerging a random thought or rather goal I would like to achieve. I've decided after a short jog to run a half marathon. It's kind of crazy and I don't know what prompted that thought or desire but it's something that will give me more focus and more purpose you can say. I've got about a year to train... I should be okay by then. At the same time maybe, a year from now I might be in shape enough to run the full marathon. So it's something that I know will be really hard, but I think if I stay focused and work hard it shouldn't too bad. I hope... I don't know, I guess you can say I've gone mad. Like all the craziness going on in my life prompting me to run 13 miles? Or 26 miles? That's like super far! I don't know... is it a good idea or have I lost my mind? I just need to get my running times up to about 10 minute miles. Right now I'm running about 8-9 minutes a mile but I'm running at a pace where I know I wouldn't be able to make 13 miles. And running at this pace I can only get about 2-3 miles of running in. So every week I'll update my fitness and training status and how I feel about my running that week. I guess every Friday seems to be a good day to do it. So if anyone's following, Friday will be my weekly running update. Have I gone mad? I'm not sure but I do know I won't give up on this one.

The nice guy

Some how I always get categorized in the nice guy group. You know the group where girls just see us as really good friends but never anything more. I wonder why that is. Being a nice guy usually ends up in not getting the girl. Oh well I guess thats my life.

Is it gonna happen?

I sometimes wonder if it will happen but I don't want to be who I've always been. The guy with the great ideas with no action... I think its gonna happen because I believe it will

Backing out

Sometimes we say we'll do something but our resolve isn't strong enough. Yesterday was one of those such days. I ended up not doing what I had anticipated and prepared myself to do but at the same time I guess the feeling wasn't right. Maybe that was my fear talking but either way it was something that didn't happen, so I told myself as well as a friend of mine that I would do it today. No more backing out I suppose. Travelling down this road we call life, there will be times when we are faced with a decision and we are afraid to step forward into the darkness but maybe when we do we'll find that we can grow as we take that leap of faith and  hope for the best. Well here's to hoping.

Decision day

So I guess every so often we need to make decisions that could effect the future of our lives. I guess today might be one such day, in a sense. So over the last little while I've had this girl that I liked on and off for years on my mind. I've always been too afraid to act, too afraid to do anything, but recently I've built up a bit more courage in such matters and I figure what's the worst that can happen with her. She rejects me and we go back to being friends. At least I'll know where I stand with her and if I even have a chance. If I don't then I move on and then I don't need to worry too much about it. So I guess you can say today would be a short term turning point of a decision day. I don't know why I chose today but I guess it's because I don't want to wait anymore. Impatience at it's finest, is it the right time? I don't know, I'm always terrible with timing. Things never seem to work out in my favour, but I will do what I choose to do and then take the consequences as they come. Whether they be good or bad, it is not up to me. All I can do at this juncture in time is to let her know how I feel and then see how she reacts.

One reading this might think, why so rash in your decision? I've been thinking about this for a while now and I just feel there is a lot of chemistry, but at the same time I feel there are a lot of uncertain things about this girl. Specifically how she feels towards me. I really have no clue and it's like jumping off a cliff. Once you take the first step there is no turning back. Right now I'm sitting on the theoretical edge of the cliff, gonna take the plunge into the darkness not knowing if there are jagged rocks below or if there is a pristine pool that awaits me below. I know what I want now... but does what I want, want me back? We'll see people... we'll see.

Doing it for me?

So I've been looking back at my accomplishments in life thus far, and I've noticed one commonality among everything I've ever done. It's never been about what I wanted for me, but what I wanted for the sake of someone else. Anytime I've ever been inspired to do anything or try to work towards a certain goal, it's never been for the sake of me rather it's been because I had a desire to improve myself for someone else. For example, I learned to speak Cantonese and Mandarin (although not 100% fluent still) not for my sake but for the sake of a girl I liked back in high school. Is this a bad reason? Maybe, but the end result was I didn't get the girl but I learned and improved on a few other languages for the sake of someone I liked.

Then it led me to think, why do I do things? Do I ever really do it for me or do I do it because of the person I like at the time, which seems like it differs from season to season in my life. Although recently however I've noticed that I've liked this one girl for a while now, on and off in the past but it seems like the on and off business of the past has left and now it's more certain.. at least certain until she says I have no chance with her. Luckily that hasn't happened yet, therefore I will continue to have hope. In any event, my life choices and my successes do seem to be based on the relationships in my life. When things are going good in my relationship life, I seem to be more successful in life. When I've had tough times in life it's also because I've had failed relationships or none at all. Right now I'm not sure why my mind is so focused on finding that person for me. I think it's because the plans from my youth have pretty much gone down the crapper and I'm just afraid of what will happen now. Now one might wonder do I still do things for other people? Of course I do, but is it bad? I'm not too sure it is. If it improves the quality of your life and the life of those around you then it doesn't really matter for what reason you do things, does it?

I guess whatever your spin on this all reasons at heart are selfish. Aren't they?

Lazy Saturday Afternoon

Today really does seem like one of those lazy sort of Saturday afternoons. I started the day off energetic and awake, waking up at about 6am to play some soccer. The rest of the day pretty much went by like a lazy Saturday afternoon. I think the most beautiful thing about a lazy Saturday afternoon is that whatever you do, it'll be a productive one.

(I sort of imagine my room to be like this on a lazy Saturday afternoon)

I took a nap, naps are always productive because they help you re-energize and get your mind focused for the rest of the day. Assuming one has plans that is. But I didn't really choose to take a nap, it was more along the lines of my body just started telling me I needed some rest. And then moments later, although fighting it. I passed out on my bed. Luckily I was in my bed. Maybe it was because I was in my bed that I ended up taking that nap. Regardless of why it went down, I do feel a bit better after my nap. I say a bit because I woke up groggy and just sort of... this day was a bust sort of day. Well the day is not yet done. I have 7 hours to make something of my night. I think I might do some Chinese language study. I've been meaning to do more than the little bit I do everyday. I don't feel like I've made progression. Then again it is Saturday night. Shouldn't it be more fun than studying? Ideally yes, because I'm not in school as of this moment. But I also should note that I will be going back to school in a few months so I should get myself back into that mindset that I need to study. The problem with that is that I've never had this mindset before. EVER. I don't know why it is... do I?
Another thing I just realized is that this blog is titled "Daily Dreamer Travels". I have yet to blog about anything dream related or travel related. So it's sort of a lying sort of blog title. I should change it to the "everyday mundane blog". I still doubt many would read about it. How do blogs catch on? I really don't know. I suppose it takes something interesting to blog about. Right now I can't say I have anything interesting going on. Aside from my random personal life overly exaggerated love live, which currently one might say there is a complete lack of one. Hence my Lazy Saturday Afternoon. Can it be that hard for a person such as I to get a girlfriend? Maybe. Should it be this hard? Probably not (not that I'm boasting about myself). I do think however that there is much to be said about being single. I can't say I really enjoy it myself. I think I yearn for the companionship of another person. I think in the end isn't that what everyone really wants in life? To love and to be loved? Anyone who says they don't, in my opinion is a total and complete liar. I think however the key to all of this is first loving yourself. I think people can see the confidence a person has. The lower the confidence the lower the desire of the opposite sex to want to be around you. Along with this is a person's potential in life. No one really wants to marry a deadbeat... well I can't say no one because there are some people out there but I'm not really talking about those with mental issues or disorders. I'm talking about the general population of people... I guess on a Lazy Saturday Afternoon sort of day, my mind wanders into these sorts of things reflecting on how it is that I.. myself can improve. I guess one might say I dream of finding that person who would want to be with me, who will love me and who I can love equally in return. Maybe I've found that person already... at least the one that is currently catching my attention. She makes me feel so happy when I'm around her, and she really does inspire me to become better. Even if things don't work out between me and her, I think we'll still be friends because we're just those kinds of people. Will anything happen soon? I don't know... maybe. I want it to happen, but it won't happen today because today is my Lazy Saturday Afternoon. Maybe next week... =)

(Sad reality is my room looks more like this... not my room by the way)

Mornings

I don't know about you, but it seems my generation has a really big problem with the mornings. There seems to be a vast majority of people who don't enjoy the mornings, however we do get up because that's what life requires of us to do. Now it's not so much that we don't enjoy activities in the mornings but it seems that there is a trend among 20 something year old people in which we spend all of the waking hours of the night doing things that are often unimportant or menial in a way to add more productivity into our lives squeezing in every ounce of activity we can into the day. Then we wake up in the morning and feel like we have no energy to do anything. I think the solution to all this is exactly the same reason why we have day light savings time. We should be following the lead of farmers and making the most of the daylight hours that we do have. But have we become a society that enjoys the comforts of the indoors and well won't exactly be looking to do much outside? Possibly, at least as a city boy as some might call me.

I think it's interesting to note that the most fun activities people talk about doing are more often than not going outside and doing something. But what do we end up doing most of the time to pass the day? Spending all day in front of some sort of screen, be it computer, television, or even the ever so addictive smart phone that lets us keep connected 24/7. I'm not saying I don't enjoy technology, don't get me wrong I do, but I think there needs to be some sort of limit to how much we log, blog or tweet. (Anyone else see the irony of this post?) Tangent much?

So I think I'm gonna make it a personal goal to go out and try to make the most of my mornings and enjoy every day to the fullest extent that I can and stop living in my fears. Just going out and making something of the day that I've been given.

The SUSPENSE is killing me!

So one thing I hate about life is how much your mind and emotions can cause so much suspense. I think suspense is nature's way of causing unnecessary heart attacks. Case in point, have you ever watched those suspense horror movies? When you're left on the edge of your seat and you think all is well then BAM!!! You get the crap scared out of you because of some random thing that pops out of no where... It's not necessarily the random thing that explodes your heart but the suspense that was built up leading up to it. Why all the suspense talk? 

In every day life there are moments when suspense just becomes so overwhelming it's almost physical. I suppose it isn't necessarily an everyday occurrence but lately it's been happening to me a lot more than I would like. Suffice it to say, my suspense filled days are not yet at an end. I guess you can say life will never be without some level of suspense, it just depends on how you react and deal with the suspense. For example, you may be waiting on someone to come to meet you at some rendezvous point and they're running late. Normally you wouldn't consider this an occasion of suspense, but if you break down the general feelings of suspense and the feelings of just waiting for someone, they're pretty much the same. At least in my mind. Waiting on someone is just a mild form of suspense, will they come soon? The anticipation of seeing someone you are expecting should be a suspenseful sort of event, not in the scare yourself and defecate the premises sort of way, but in an exciting looking forward to suspense. Sometimes you're waiting to tell someone something and you're just anxious to tell them, or you're scared of the response. That's the sort of suspense I've been feeling a lot lately, for various things and for various people. Suspense it seems in my mind, is somewhat related to anxiety. Which I don't think I have but I might? When will this entry end? Where is he going with this?

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Not very suspenseful when you read it. I think I've over used the word suspense today, it's starting to seem rather odd now to look at. I guess that's what it boils down to, waiting so long till you can't stand the suspense and then just doing whatever you can to resolve it. What do you think?

This is where I start my Journey

So I've done this several times but I think this time it's gonna last. The beginning of some changes in my life where I can look and see how far I've come or the progress I've made. How much I'll do I guess will change day to day, but for now I guess this is where I'm going to start.